Have you ever dealt with sibling jealousy during birthdays?

Question

We have a 6 year old and a 1 year old.
Our 6 year old had her birthday about 4 months ago, we live in FL and she wanted to go to Disney for her birthday. So we had a small family gathering with a few decorations and my husband and I got her one gift and her other gift was Disney. (Family and friends got her gifts.)
Our 1 year old had her birthday last week and jealously is raging with our 6 year old. We made a big balloon arch for the party and baby got multiple gifts, some big some small from us and family and friends. She got a smash cake and we got cupcakes for everyone else.
Our 6 year old was very jealous our baby had her "own cake" and she had to have cupcakes. She was hovering the entire party while baby opened gifts and would swoop in to take them to play with them. We had to remind her many times to let baby sister play with them first.
She would sigh and get upset and say "I'm never allowed to play with it?"
Since the birthday it has just been pangs of jealousy from her about trying to roughly play with baby's new toys (balance bike older kid can't fit on, baby car she can't fit in). We gently remind her they're for babies and not made to fit older kids and she has plenty of her own toys to play with. But it seems no matter what we say the jealousy continues. 
How do you handle this?!

Answer

Do not gift your 6 year old anything. The reason why she is jealous is because she's the first child or she just wants what she wants. Do not give I to the poor behavior. You need to teach her that its okay if the light doesn't shine on her. 
She had her birthday and this birthday is not about her. 
Kids do this if they are taught and for her its easy to see why she wasn't taught, being that this is the first year she has had to share the attention. Shes 6 and she knows better now. 
Redirect and keep reminding her.

Answer

In an age appropriate way I'd be reminding her she had her day at Disney and that was her special day.  This was the baby's special day.  Mom and dad will have their special day as well and the days are about those people.  Show her some pics from her own first birthday party and her smash cake.  Tell one day she'll be able ro share toys with her sister but not right now.  No way I'd start getting extra presents.  If I gave a gift to every sibling on someone else's birthday my gift budget would be comparable to my mortgage.

Answer

She’ll learn over time. Just don’t buy her a gift too. It drives me crazy when someone brings a gift for me kid when it’s not his day. I am teaching him (and eventually my 4 month old daughter) that he gets his own day and everyone else gets their own day. If the other child doesn’t mind, I do let him help open gifts. It just takes time. Ask your daughter if she wants someone else to do to her what she’s been doing. Most of the time they don’t understand how the other person feels, but if you turn it around on them it makes more sense to them.

Answer

My take might not be a popular opinion but here it is. So I have 3 kids 6, 3 and newborn. My oldest was the first baby in a big family so she was used to all the attention and many gifts. For bdays everyone gets both of them a gift. So when my 3 year old got her bday gifts my family bought my 6 year old a bracelet (cheap) my parents told her it was just a little reminder that she’ll always be special to them and to never forget that but that day is to celebrate her little sister. Now the same goes the other way. We always want our kids to feel loved and included because you don’t want to create resentment between siblings. My oldest child has always been a part of planning her little sisters bday because it makes her feel included and it reminds her that it’s her sisters special day. I am planning to do the same when it comes time to plan the baby’s bday.

Answer

Yeah remind her that you had your birthday and now it’s her birthday. You wouldn’t like it if every time it was your birthday mommy played with your toys and ate your cake first before you. Your a big girl so you have big girl toys and she’s a baby so she has baby toys. They aren’t the same and that’s okay. 
Don’t buy her gifts to because she will expect that as the baby grows and baby may feel a way because will you give the baby a gift on her birthday. I think it should be separate and she needs redirection and reinsurance that she’s still your little girl and she is loved just like the baby

Answer

My boys are 5, 3, and 20 months. I haven't dealt with jealousy over birthdays yet. It's your daughter's first time having a sibling with a birthday (mine were under two when they became big siblings so they were used to it by then). I wouldn't be too harsh on her. 
But I also would not give in to her and reward bad behavior by giving her gifts on others birthdays like others are suggesting. Giving her a gift on her sister or other children's birthdays is just going to reinforce her bad behavior. I had a cousin like that growing up. If no one brought her a gift on someone else's birthday, her mom would try to guilt the rest of us (whoever had the birthday) into letting the spoiled cousin open one of our gifts. It lasted until we outgrew family birthday parties. 
I would just keep reminding her that it is not her birthday and that she already had hers. I would also keep reminding her that she is too big for the baby's toys and that she might break them. My kids share all appropriate toys (except my autistic child's comfort items) so if I were in the same position I would also remind them that the sibling will share some of their toys as long as they aren't trying to take it away from each other.
There have been times here and there where my 5 year old tries to play with my 20 month old's toys. Most of the time, my kids just share toys. But I do have to occasionally remind my 5 year old that he is a little too big for certain toys and that he might break them. Reminding him that he might break them and that might make his little brother sad if his toys are broken usually fixes that issue because he is pretty thoughtful.

Answer

Lol yes. My younger sister got so jealous of our birthdays. My mom used to buy HER gifts on OUR birthdays so she didn't feel left out. My mother never handled it, she just let my sister outgrow it (which wasn't until her teens).
I'd personally handle it by explaining that birthdays are special for the person who is actually celebrating their birthday and it doesn't mean that anyone is more special, and her day will come too. It may or may not work but it's also something so won't feed regardless like my mother.

Answer

I can’t relate as I only have a one year old, but I can only imagine this is very normal behavior.
I’d make sure she’s getting some quality time in since she might be craving some one on one attention, and I’m sure it’s hard to do that with 2 little ones. Is it possible husband or someone else can have baby so you can have some quality time with her? Or maybe your husband or both of you together? Maybe you can have an outing one day together, I’m sure she would be excited

Answer

I don't see anything wrong with giving the siblings a small present as well. Yes she gets to go to Disney but at 6 kids will focus of the quantity and not quality of the presents. 6 is still pretty young but old enough to understand what's going on. My parents did this with my brother and I until we were a little older I'd say maybe 7 or 8 tops. We aren't entitled adults because of it. 
I do this with my children and I can tell you they are not spoiled or entitled.
Everyone has different parenting styles. The hard part is figuring out what works best for you.

Answer

Happens alot. My little siblings usually feel bad about it too..so everyone attending the small party comes over with two gifts for each.

Have you ever dealt with sibling jealousy during birthdays?

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