UPDATED AT THE BOTTOM

My son is 1.5 months old and I’m surprised that I’m not “in love” with him. When my daughter was born 3 years ago I used to cry by looking at her from how much I loved her. She was my world and perfect in every way. When my son was born she started acting out and she’s suffering the transition (which of course we expected). She is sweet towards the baby and loses her temper/ is rude with my husband and my parents.

I try not to kiss or snuggle my son too much in front of her not to hurt her even more. I feel a little resentment towards my baby for all this suffering and probably that’s why I’m struggling to bond with him.

Do you have any advice? I feel like a bad mom and guilty for feeling this way towards an innocent baby. Also, we did plan this pregnancy and I was looking forward to having a second!

FAST FORWARD to baby being almost 5 months and it is a complete different story! I feel in love with my son and connected to him. I feel like myself again and in awe of how handsome, funny and strong he is. I’m also super happy to see my older daughter falling in love with him too! She’s very sweet towards him and has never shown any aggressive behavior towards him.

Posting my feelings and experience here 3 months ago helped me in different ways:

-I was able to share all the guilty and confused feelings trapped inside me.

-I got a “slap in the face”/ “wake up moment” after reading some of the more judgmental comments that made me realize how my feelings could affect my son’s development and change my attitude towards him and my daughter.

-I felt understood and supported by some of the other moms.

I just want to clear to some commenters that of course I picked my son up and cared for him. He slept on my chest for the first 1.5 months of his life and was always in my arms or somebody else’s because he had very bad reflux. I kissed him and and talked to him in cute baby voices when my daughter wasn’t around; it was just that the loving feelings weren’t there and I did it more out of duty.

I recommend behaving with the baby as you want your older child to (loving and caring) because, in the end, you are their most influential example. I stopped hiding my love towards the baby and made him part of our life. I also “spoke” for my son with a silly baby voice and “he” asks my older daughter for advice, explanation of the world…it makes her feel knowledgeable and important as well as develop a protective attitude towards the baby.

Thank you all for helping me in the past and listening to my rant now!

Hormones, birth, transitioning from 1 to 2 is no joke and I got a bit lost there. I hope whoever is feeling the same way reaches out. I know how bad it felt ❤️