I think my bf is emotionally abusive. Help

I have been in a narcissistic relationship in the past but this one is much different. He’s nicer to me for the most part, he doesn’t call me horrible names when we fight.. typically our fights are very healthy in a way. However, i do have some issues with him that i need you guys to help me out with to determine if I’m dealing with a narcissistic partner or not. I obviously am not gonna list all the good things.. those things matter and May show he isn’t a narcissist. Idk. Please read it all.. sorry i was upset and rambling while typing this up

My boyfriend is so good to me for the most part. However, he has a habit of insulting me and masking it as a joke. For example, he comments on my body. I am a skinny girl but he makes jokes about me being fat. Saying things like, “oh you’re so heavy”, “let’s get you into the gym”, “have you had your period this month? 🤨 (implying that I look pregnant)”

I’ve told him so many times to stop making these comments but he doesn’t. Last night we were in the shower together and he started spanking my butt and my side saying “wow I’ve never seen someone jiggle so much. It looks like waves”. I just kinda laughed it off. But then he kissed my cheek and touched my stomach and said, “we need to work on toning this up”. I was so angry. It isn’t like these comments happen once in awhile. They’re happening almost every time we are together. I argued with him and started to cry. I vocalized how confused i was. I can’t understand why he thinks it’s funny to hurt my feelings. I asked him why he called me fat when we talked about how that was a problem just the night before. He said “i didn’t call you fat. I said we need to tone your body up”. I argued with him and told him that what he said about me jiggling and needing to tone my body up are implying that i am fat. I told him I’m not gonna sit around and list out all the possible ways he could call me fat. He is smart enough to know what’s appropriate and what isn’t.

My boyfriend isn’t a fit guy by any means… he’s actually overweight. He does work out a few times a week but still. I told him, “I’m sorry but you act like you’re a body builder. You’re not. So stop commenting on my body like i am a project or something”. He got pretty offended by what i said and told me that i called him fat after i told him i never put him down for his body. I said something along the lines of “i didn’t call you fat. I said ur not a body builder and most people who work out consistently are not. You’re offended bc i told you that you aren’t a body builder but you tell me I’m too sensitive for being upset that you literally told me you’ve never seen anyone’s body jiggle the way mine does and that we need to work on toning up my body?!!!!””

we ended up arguing for awhile about this. I was bawling my eyes out and he was smiling the whole time. He actually ended up laughing at me at one point. I asked him why he finds so much pleasure in insulting me? He knows it hurts my feelings then acts all confused when i get mad.. when his intent is to get a rise out of me. He’s even told me he thinks it’s funny to see how mad i get at him over small things. He said he doesn’t find pleasure in hurting me. He just likes to see me get mad. I told him “you laugh and smile when you are insulting me. Matter of fact, you smile and laugh more when you are insulting me than when you’re not. Are laughing and smiling not the expressions for joy?!!!” He said “i smile and laugh to make light of the situation. You’re upset and i know if I’m upset too then it’ll get heated. Also, sometimes i do find it funny. I find it funny how you get mad over small things”

This isn’t even the only comment he makes. The last two days I’ve accidentally spilled a drink (once my fault, once his). Today while we were walking out of church, i grabbed my water bottle and he said “i was just waiting for you to spill it” then laughed. Then 30 mins later when i called him we started talking about the sermon. At the end of our convo he said “tell me if you end up spilling any water today”.

At dinner on Saturday he asked me why I’ve never been on a solo vacation. I told him that i prefer to experience new places with my loved ones & that as a woman it’s scary going to new places alone. He responded by saying, “oh, well I’m used to the STRONG women in my life doing it”. Implying that I’m weak. Like what? Just because i have a different preference than his girl friends does not mean that i am weak. I tried. I tried not to cause a scene but i was so annoyed. It’s like he can’t help himself from putting me down. I told him how i felt about what he said, and he said “i didn’t say you’re weak”. I told him that saying he’s used to STRONG women in his life going on solo trips implies that women who don’t go on solo trips, aka me, are weak. And i don’t appreciate being compared to his girl friends in any way. I asked him how he’d feel if i insulted him the way he does to me. He said “I’m not insecure about anything”.

Later that day i drank half a glass of wine. We were looking out the window. I was holding my wine glass behind him, when he turned around it spilled on the floor. He got upset and said “I’ve never met anyone who stains carpets the way you do” then laughed. (This was only my 2nd time spilling anything and technically he’s the one who walked into my Glass!) he proceeded to ask me, “wow how drunk ARE YOU?” I told him i wasn’t drunk at all. I had less than a full glass of wine. I did have a buzz but i wasn’t drunk. I was extremely triggered because of how my ex used to gaslight me. I asked my current boyfriend to stop making me feel like my reaction to his comments was due to me being “drunk”. I ended up getting emotional. My way of trying to limit how emotional i get is by looking away. He always insists on me looking him in the eyes (this is when i usually end up crying and getting emotional). He says “look at me. I want you to feel and be fully engaged in the convo”. It just annoys me because i DONT WANT TO CRY.. WHY DOES HE WANT ME TO BREAK DOWN AND GET ALL EMOTIONAL?

I just am so confused why he claims to care about me but still finds pleasure in hurting me. Idk why i have to ask him over and over again to stop insulting me. He’s causing me to feel insecure about things i never was insecure about before.

It isn’t even just these little comments about me. He will comment on statements i make…

For example, we were in the hot tub at my moms cabin. He asked me what I’d do if bears came up to us. I told him I’d run inside. He called me a wimp and said that i can’t constantly run from my problems. He said he isn’t scared of a bear and isn’t scared of wolves. He insists he’d be able to fight them off.

We were watching squid games. He asked me if I’d ever want to do it. I told him no. He said “you’re a wimp. I’d love to join the squid games and I’d win”.

He is just arrogant. I feel like I’m the butt of all of his jokes. No matter how many times i express to him that I’m sick of it, he continues to do it. And sometimes he will say something insulting then smile at me and hug me or try to kiss me. I told him over the weekend that he’s “sandwiching” me. He insults me then immediately tries to make me forget what he just said by loving on me.

I got all done up for him Saturday. I spent time curling my hair, putting on makeup and even put on a dress and heels. He came into the bathroom and asked me, “that’s your dress?” And he looked disappointed. It just made me feel like crap. Even if he didn’t like my dress he shouldn’t have said anything about it. My boyfriend is supposed to make me feel like the most beautiful girl in the world. I spent all that time getting ready and he made me feel insecure about what i was wearing. When i colored my hair he looked at me with wide eyes and said “WHAT DID YOU DO?!” Then laughed about it. He said “why don’t you color your hair blonde? It would look good” i told him I’ll never be a blonde.

During my time of the month my boobs get bigger. After my period they get smaller. He will poke my boobs when they’re smaller and say “Aw what happened to my friends?!!!”

He just makes little comments every time we are together that makes me feel like crap about myself. He is arrogant and undermines the things i say. I’ve just never met someone who is soooo mean and thinks it’s funny. Like how can he make the comments he does and not think they’re hurtful? I don’t get it. I cry and cry and he just sits there and smirks at me. Sometimes he even LAUGHS. Am i really too sensitive or is he emotionally abusing me?