I know what you’re thinking, and no, this isn’t the classic step-parent/parent rivalry.

I met my stepson 8 years ago once his dad and I had been together for 6 months, and since then, his mum and I have been quite good friends- when it suited her. She’s always been quick to become aggressive and start name-calling when we hit a disagreement, and over the past 8 years she’s tried her best to ruin the relationship my partner has with their son. Any drama between us dies down pretty quickly when she realises that we just won’t bite and won’t argue back, and she’s usually back to being friendly and nice enough within a few days or weeks.

However. Last year my stepson moved in us with full time because she wasn’t coping very well. We made a new agreement regarding his living arrangements etc and things between us all were actually the best they’d ever been. Then she started doing and saying things that went against the new agreement- trying to convince my stepson to move back in with her, guilt tripping him when he says he prefers living her, etc- and we’ve had to politely remind her on multiple occasions that this isn’t healthy for their son, so to please be mindful what she’s saying etc.

Then today happened. She crossed a line. She’s furious because we had to tell her no to a demand she made that massively breaches their sons living arrangements agreement. In the process of trying to get her own way by any means possible, she texted my stepson some very harsh, guilt-ridden messages and then told him not to bother her anymore, which left him sobbing his heart out. He has severe trauma and abandonment issues because of how she’s treated him over the years, and she knows that speaking to him like that is extremely triggering. This is why he lives with us now.

She started texting me non stop this morning telling me to “do a better job of making sure MY son stays in contact with me” and I replied that he had been taking some time away from his phone since their last conversation.

Since then, I’ve had non stop essays of horrible personal attacks, just cruel and awful things that I know shouldn’t get to me, but it’s been hard to brush off. I can usually find reason in her outbursts- I understand that she is hurting emotionally and I try my best to see things from her point of view- but today she’s just crossed the line completely. Some years ago, I mistakenly shared a very personal story with her detailing a traumatic event that I went through before I’d even met her, and she’s used it against me today amidst a string of other hurtful comments, knowing that it is the ONE thing that will get to me. It’s the ONE thing in my life that has left me with deep emotional scars and intense pain, the one thing that I’ve ever had to work on continuously over the years because the trauma of it was ruining my life. And she knows that. And she used it against me anyways. I cannot find any reason at all why she would even say the things she did, apart from wanting me to suffer immensely.

I’ve never, ever, ever, said that I hate someone and truly meant it, but something has snapped in me today. I absolutely fucking hate her.

How the fuck do I go on trying to co-parent with this absolute waste of air? 😒