do I have to tell my ex I’m pregnant?

Question

***HES NOT THE BABY’S DAD. My husband is*** 
my ex & I have two kids together. He was abusive to me, and also formed really bad addiction to alcohol & cocaine. He has since started some programs, and he’s better now. we only see each other when he drops them off to me during my time with them, and when he picks them up. We split the week up 50/50. He has not gotten over our relationship, and I know he is still in love with me. He holds onto hope that I will eventually go back to him. 
I’m pregnant again, and I know eventually he will see that I have a new baby. Should I tell him before I have the baby? My mom is pressuring me into telling him but I don’t really feel like it’s any of his business, and It’ll just create issues within our coparenting relationship. He got really mad when my husband and I got married, and told my kids they could never come to my house again. My fear is that with the kids new passports, he will take them back to his home country out of spite.

Answer

First I’d get a legal custody agreement if you truly fear he’d leave with the kids. Also it’s not his business so no you don’t need to tell him

Answer

I would speak to you lawyer and ensure there is an agreement in place that he can not take then outside the country especially if there is a concern over their safety

Answer

I agree with everyone else who has said you need a legal custody arrangement in place if the arrangement you have isn’t on file with the court. Most states have laws that forbid one parent from taking the children out of the country (or even the state) they reside in without the other parent’s consent, but you’d have to check with an attorney to see if your state has such a law and whether it’s enforceable if you don’t have an established family case in court.
Regarding telling your ex about your pregnancy, it’s a very personal decision. I ran into a similar situation with my ex - he still very much had hopes we’d eventually end up together, even though it had been 6 years since we split up and I was married. I had not told him I was pregnant, in fact we had only told close family and my employer so far. I didn’t want to have that conversation with him, but what’s more was I had a miscarriage prior to that pregnancy and I REALLY didn’t feel comfortable with the thought of telling him I was pregnant and then possibly having to explain that I miscarried. I also figured he’d find out eventually, it’s not like I could have or would have attempted to hide my belly once it was noticeable. But my son wound up telling him he was going to be a big brother. My ex threw a fit - complained about how he had a right to know, blah, blah, blah. I explained I wasn’t hiding it, I hadn’t told many people anyway, that it was MY business, not his, and I just didn’t feel it was something I owed him and that I knew he’d find out before the baby arrived anyway. He was still mad that I didn’t tell him. He actually brought it up about 3 months later at a mediation we had for our child custody case of my oldest. The mediator (who was a retired judge) looked dumbfounded and straight up told him it was absolutely none of his business and that even though we share a child together, that doesn’t entitle him to intimate details of my personal life. He confirmed that I wasn’t hiding it from him and that he would have found out on his own without me having to tell him. So that was nice validation to hear that come from a judge.
I’d say talk to an attorney and get your custody stuff recorded legally, then do as you see fit as far as telling him. But definitely see an attorney first so you’re protected if he flips and tries to take your kids.

Answer

Both divorced parents have to consent to obtaining a passport so at some point I’m assuming that was agreed upon. Is he holding the passports or you? How long until they expire? You don’t have to consent to him getting them new ones at that point if it’s a concern. As far as the pregnancy I don’t think you owe him a heads up but that’s up to you based on your relationship with him. He’s going to find out eventually so it’s just a matter of which would be less awkward for you, telling him or him seeing, or hearing from your other kids. I didn’t tell my ex. He just noticed once at visitation when I was obviously pregnant lol. He still doesn’t know I’ve had another baby since that one because I never saw him since. Actually it worked out better for me because getting remarried killed some of his hope we’d get back together but I think him knowing I had a baby with my new husband sealed the deal.

Answer

No cause it’s not his baby and none of his business

Answer

You just need to be honest.

Answer

That is so scary you should reach out to a lawyer to see if you can hold onto those passports

Answer

My exhusband (we have two kids together, ages 13 and 9) was a controlling, narcissistic alcoholic - two months after our divorce was finalized he was arrested for armed robbery and ended up going to prison for awhile. I am happily remarried to a wonderful man and we just had our first baby together last summer. At some point during my pregnancy he found out I was expecting and made a lot of really rude comments about my “new family” and not caring about my kids, despite the fact that he hasn’t seen them since he was arrested. Anyway, long story short, you’re right. It’s none of his business and has no effect on him. More likely than not it will just create stress you don’t need while pregnant. We are currently 20 weeks pregnant with our second and my ex has no clue.

Answer

He got passports without your consent?! Talk to an attorney about that. If you think he would kidnap change the custody arrangement asap!
But yes, let him know from you. The kids will tell him at some point when he has them

Answer

I think you should make legal agreement for your Kids with him and than sit and tell him, only because the NEW baby will have blood conection with your other Kids and you can't avoid it.

do I have to tell my ex I’m pregnant?

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