I knew it was going to be hard…

I knew leaving my wife was going to be hard. That’s why I never had the courage to do it. Everyone loves my wife.

Nobody knows her I like do. Nobody’s knows how it feels to be held up against a wall by her. Nobody knows what it’s like to run out of fear from her. Nobody knows what it’s like she when starts to yell. Nobody knows the kind of things she says when she’s angry. Just me. All those special parts of her are reserved just for me.

Every time someone asks me how she is I just smile and say she’s fine. I wish I could scream and cry that I’m terrified. That I’m sick and broke and I don’t know how to leave. I wish I could tell everyone everything I’ve experienced but I can’t. It’s like the more I say the words the less real they are.

I don’t know how to help myself.