Would you give her a do over??

Back in 2019 I was pregnant with my first born. Almost as soon as we told them my MIL was begging me to let her throw my baby shower. We’ve never really had a great relationship so I agreed thinking maybe it would make a difference for us and we could bond over planning or something. I was due the end of October and in July my husbands Paternal Grandmother passed away. It wasn’t unexpected we were all kind of waiting for it to happen and she was more than ready to go. She had all her affairs in order and everyone even went over to her house and deep cleaned it the weekend before she passed. She had her funeral planned out exactly. After she passed all that needed done was her belongings distributed per her will and her home sold. My FIL is one of 5 siblings and the other siblings took care of everything. Anyways as my due date is approaching my MIL just kept telling me “sorry I don’t have your shower planned yet. I’ll still do it. I’ll still do it. I’m just so stressed about everything with grandma.” Anyways I told her countless times she didn’t need to do it but she assured me she still wanted to and that she would. Well 38 weeks came and I still hadn’t had a shower. I bought 98% of our baby stuff myself or my parents helped me. My best friend threw together a shower but since my mother in law was still insisting she was doing something I didn’t invite any of their family thinking if she did pull herself together I would invite them. She never did anything for me and it was hugely disappointing. A week after my baby was born she threw together a bridal shower for her niece who got knocked up and eloped. That didn’t seem to stress her at all. She was more than happy and gushed about how loved their baby was going to be.

She came to visit us twice after our baby was born. My baby was a terrible sleeper, he only slept for 40 minute stretches at a time and had to be in a quiet dark room to sleep. It was exhausting so every chance I got I would lay him down in his bassinet in our room. She showed up that day unannounced and then was furious that I didn’t wake my baby up to see her. The only other time she came to visit she sat and held my baby who was crying and hungry - again she was unannounced - my breasts were so full they were aching. He was screaming, I was leaking from my boobs and my eyes. She wasn’t doing anything to calm him even though I gave her a pacifier. She held it in her hand and just talked louder over his screaming. I finally had to wrench him away and I went into the other room so I could settle him and nurse in privacy. She called my husband up and told him I was incredibly selfish for not sharing my baby with her and told him he needed to leave me. That baby is now 2.5 and we haven’t seen her since. She did send Christmas presents to our house with my husbands brother last year. My husband thanked him and as soon as the brother left he took the presents to the garage. They’re still out there unopened.

We’re expecting baby #2. We hadn’t actually told my mother in law - we told my husbands siblings. My sister in law wants to throw me a shower and after saying yes she told me that my MIL wanted to help put it together and asked if that was okay. I don’t know if my SIL knows how hurt I was over the first one, or if she knows what has gone on between us. She sees my husband as having abandoned his family and wants us all to be the picture of happiness. Since telling him to leave me (and telling him she didn’t love him if he stayed with me) she hasn’t contacted my husband at all. I’m thinking about retracting my willingness to even let my SIL do a shower though especially if my MIL is going to take credit. I just don’t know how to back out now. I should have seen the trap coming but I don’t want my MiL to overshadow our joy again as she did our first go round.