Anyone else dreading seeing their in-laws?

Question

So to start off, my in-laws are coming tomorrow and I'm dreading it. I've been feeling nauseous over it. They are always trying to take my son from me anywhere from wanting him for a month, 2 weeks, 1 week, 3 nights, 2 nights, etc. Now the reason they don't take him anymore is because of some weird thungs my son started doing after coming back from their house last year after a 2 night sleepover, he started trying to force my hands down his pants and started playing around with his anus. He had NEVER done that before. I talked to my therapist and his pedi and they both said not to allow the grandparents to see the kids without me being present. I want to completely cut them off but my husband doesn't because "their his parents and hes not sure if they did do that". I got him to agree with me they wouldn't have alone time with any kids and he agreed. After we told them we were done with that stuff, they disapeared. Then started telling people we were holding their grandkids hostage from them. We've only seen his parents 10-11 times since this whole situation, and that happened back in August. Everytime I see his parents they ALWAYS try to cause me and him to fight. They will intentionally try and bring things up with the kids that they know will cause arguments. I brought this up with my husband and he agreed and said we wouldn't take the bate anymore. All was going good until he called them to see if they were coming for Easter, I wasn't around when he made that phone call but after making it he has been sleeping on the couch and won't sleep in the bed with me. I don't know what to do. I'm at a loss. Sometimes it feels like he's choosing them over his own family. His parents were very abusive with him growing up. His dad beat him, was always yelling, they got starved a lot of the time or ate old stale food, etc. A lot of his childhood he doesn't even remember which has me thinking, what if his parents molested him? Every time we see them they ask to take our son, we say no, they get mad and disapear for a while again. I don't trust them AT ALL with my kids. I was so stupid to even send my son over there with them in the first place. My husband always assured me his parents would never do anything to our son like they did to him. I feel so sick to the stomach when they come around. I don't know what to do.

Answer

I see many posts on this app with the same issue, what is this obsession with overnight stays?? 
You don't owe anyone your kids, but you do owe your kids protection. Stand your ground. They can choose to respect your boundaries and see the kids on your terms, or choose not to see them at all.

Answer

Honestly I would take the kids and go elsewhere when they visit. I 500% understand cutting them off and refusing to see them is a difficult decision for your husband. My husband has been there, I watched him go through that process, he had it beat into him all his life that he couldn’t say no to his mother so it was a long time for him to reach the point where he felt he could tell her no. But I don’t think your son is safe around them at all. I’d leave with the kids beforehand and tell your husband you get that he’s not ready to refuse them but you can’t put your kids in harm’s way like that.

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Please do whatever it takes to protect your babies 🥺

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“He’s not sure that they did do that.” 🙄 where else is he figuring his son may have learned that. I understand that’s his parents and you want to think the best of them. Same with parents of children who end up being murderers and “my child would never do that.” It’s always they won’t do that until it actually happens. Always, always, always believe a child especially when it comes to certain things. That’s how abuse is allowed to continue to happen bc “they would never do something like that.” Not saying his parents were abusing your son, just pointing out the messed up mindset and excuse your husband has.

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No one keeps our kids.   You never HAVE to let anyone keep your kids.     Just ask your husband what is wrong

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Would your husband consider going to therapy? Or you could suggest couples therapy so he doesn't feel singled out and you could talk about his family issues in it and hopefully he'll be able to put you first instead of his parents and realize he needs to cut them off.

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No, no, no. 
They would NOT be staying in my home. Period. They can get a hotel, and he can go visit them there. The kids and I would not be coming.

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My kids only stay with me and my husband. No sleepovers with anyone. 
No way would I be trusting your in laws, I wouldn't let my baby out of my sight.

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Wow... Um... no... I would not allow those people into my home. What the hell.

Answer

Your husband makes me angry!! If he grew up in a toxic environment with them how can he be so nonchalant about them now?!! I could never! Especially with you son coming home with odd and inappropriate behavior from spending time at their house. Dad needs to do better honestly. I'm not one for ultimatums especially when it comes to family, but I think I'd have to call one into play for this. Either he cuts ties with your parents, you cut ties with HIM. This isn't normal, and your kids need all protection from them. Sounds like your husband is just in denial over his childhood.

Anyone else dreading seeing their in-laws?

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