Does anyone else feel like parenting is harder for you than it appears to be for others?

Question

When I talk to other moms most of them seem so happy and like motherhood is their greatest joy. I absolutely love my kids more than anything but I feel like motherhood is really hard. It feels burdensome sometimes. Sometimes I wonder if my kids are just harder than other kids. I have friends that never complain or vent about their kids. One friend said “when I need a break I just put on a movie and they snuggle with me on the couch!” Like my kids would never do that... they’d watch maybe 5 min of it and then get up and cause more chaos. Please don’t get me wrong, LOVE my kids, SO THANKFUL for their happiness and health. But I find it so so difficult most days. I have to cram everything I want to do in a 2 hour period while they nap. Exercise, write (I’m a writer as a profession), clean up, do any kind of business, relax without someone crawling all over me, etc. Maybe it’s just me but I don’t see other moms around me struggling the same. I feel like I have to try SO HARD to be a good mom. Maybe it’s just the fact I have zero help. I live far from all family and my husband works very long hours. I also don’t trust random baby sitters or daycare because I was severely abused by a babysitter for years as a child. So no one else watches my kids except for me. It’s so exhausting. 
Anyone else?

Answer

YES! I was thinking this yesterday literally.

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Yes, definitely. I think the more support someone has the easier it may be parenting wise because there is more help. I believe the saying "it takes a village" but as someone who doesn't have much of a village I struggle a lot. I do have family but they cannot be trusted fully. Maybe when my girl is older and she's more self sufficient and understands more but at 3 she's obviously not there yet. I also have depression and anxiety which makes things worse. I'm pregnant with #2 and terrified for what parenting will be like with 2 kids

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Yeah my son hates movies. If I try to put on a movie he yells "no movie!!" And wants my attention 24/7. I love my son to death but he's a handful. He's also extremely intelligent so his little mind is constantly going and going. He's so curious and seriously has the IQ of a 4-5 year old already so keeping him entertained is tough and he masters something and gets bored quickly (puzzles, drawing, crafts, etc). Hes going to be one of those kids that gets bored in school because he already knows all of the preschool curriculum and has started to try and read and write and isn't even 3. He knows shapes like trapezoids and Pentagon's and hexagons etc. Anyway! All that just to say that I feel you & its exhausting. Idk if I will be having another child. It also doesn't help that I work full time which is also exhausting.

Answer

Maybe the other moms around you don’t feel as comfortable sharing their struggles? Just a thought because I’m close with several of our neighbors with kids and we ALL vent to each other every day about the different issues that come with each of our kids. I have never in my life tried to act like I’m even particularly good at anything 😅 and am painfully honest when it comes to being a mom to my two hahaha like I want other moms to know that they are NOT alone!! 
I told another mom today “I was so so worried he would become a sociopath because he didn’t seem to learn empathy until later, like he was almost FIVE and still ran around stomping on ants!!” Because her daughter squashed a caterpillar and didn’t bat an eye- I wanted the other mom to know that since my son is older that her daughter would be fine, there is hope because now my son would never hurt a bug even.
I do agree though that some kids are just easier and or other moms have more help. I see that in other families and am definitely envious at times haha but I have tried really hard not to compare. 
My kids don’t watch much tv either, don’t use tablets and are ALL over me all the time, I understand the feeling. My 3 year old will watch something for a few minutes but then will come in the other room to tell me constantly what is happening 😭 you keep up the good work! Some people hide it better, some people have a higher tolerance for the chaos, some people have kids that don’t make their hair turn white- we all have different families but know at the end of the day you are doing your best and they absolutely adore you!!

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Yes! The energy needed to leave the house is exhausting especially since my daughter is a toddler and is starting to learn how to run.

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I agree with this. We live in a society where people think that all women are the same and will react to motherhood the same, but the reality is that motherhood is just like everything else: it's for some people and it's not for some people. Some people eat, breathe, and sleep motherhood and some of us don't feel fulfilled by it and actually feel more at home at work than with our kids. It's more common than you think. I do feel that motherhood is harder for me than others because of this: I had a baby because of pressure and I'm not one of those women who is born for motherhood. I'm a career person...I could be a workaholic if I wasn't self- aware. So I don't get a lot out of motherhood and that's okay.

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Parenting is very hard, especially when your doing it by yourself everyday. I can only imagine how hard it must be to trust other people with your kids if you had traumatizing experiences with that as a kid. The only advice I can give you is to find someone trusted in your community that will watch your kids while you work. You can work on the living room so you can see what they are doing and hopefully learn to trust them. I also think you should take some time for yourself when your husband is off work. Go out without the kids and pamper yourself or just take a nap. Find your reset button so you can set yourself up for a fresh calm start every once in awhile.

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You are not alone! I will say my child is WILD. He’s 2 and full of energy. I do have some help because I work full time so I have a nanny that comes over while I’m home working but he runs all over the place wherever we go and is just a little daredevil. Some days are pure exhausting and I get really jealous of the moms who always look out together with cute outfits, no mommy tummy (like I do from my C-section) and seems to be able to work out and all that stuff and I’m like HOW DO YOU DO IT? I am not a person that likes to complain or vent though so just know all those moms that you think don’t complain or vent probably just don’t outwardly do it like me I’m just a private person. I carve out necessary time to unwind after bedtime with a glass of wine and trashy reality tv lol

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Sometimes when I take my kids out in public I wonder why they don’t act like other kids. My kids won’t just sit in a grocery cart or walk along beside me. They’ll run around like chickens or scream/cry/whine about being in the cart. At home I feel like my kids are active 100% of the time and never relax. I have a few friends that’ll text me pics of their kids laying on the couch watching tv/movies or reading or even just playing alone quietly and I’m like “jeez...my kids don’t do that.” My kids are loud and in my face constantly. They are so amazing and so smart and curious yes... but they are hard work! My best friend’s kid would be content sitting on the couch playing with Paw Patrol figurines for hours. He never bothers her or cries and is completely silent and obedient in public. My kids are like savage animals comparatively. 😂

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10000% I’ve felt this! Thank god my best friend is like me and we can message each other and vent about our kids and never once thought “she must hate her kids”. We also have no support so I’m with them all the time. I bet The moms who say they don’t need a break get breaks regularly Or have kids in school as well. Every one needs time away from whoever they would be around 24/7, not just kids.

Does anyone else feel like parenting is harder for you than it appears to be for others?

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