Why me ? 🥲🥲

I’m juSt so sad this my 3rd baby I have none living I want my baby to live I don’t understand ‼️ my cervix has shorten 3.7 to 2.7cm in just 2weeks I don’t I understanding was just so happy to pass the mark of losing my 1st 19w 4 days I’m 20 weeks today ! I just don’t understand I rather not get pregnant than go through these loses I’m 21 my birthday is Sunday and I’ve just been through so much at a young age I’m tired fr im tired of keep going ! I’m tired ! 2.5 is the danger zone why didn’t they just give me the cerclage today at least I’m right at 2.7 I’m scared !! ‼️ I done start getting everything I don’t want to have to just stare at that stuff !! I want my baby to live I don’t understand !! I just want a healthy baby ! I feel like I’m killing my kids bc baby is always fine its me my cervix that’s causing everything ! I go back in a week but anything can happen in a week ! This isn’t fair