Toxic family

Trigger warning ⚠️⚠️⚠️

Sexual abuse

Self harm

Anxiety attacks

PTSD

So, I recently was told by my mother that my cousin(call him B) was caught by her touching his younger brother's (call him F) private parts. This wasn't the first incident but this was the most blatant and forward "can't logic it into an innocent misunderstanding" type of situation. There have been other incidents where we suspected something off was going on but we couldn't know for sure. My cousin B was sexually abused by his father when he was very young and never got treated for it like therapy AND his own mother silenced him because she didn't want to lose her then husband. Great person, I know. Thankfully his dad died a few years back (OD while cheating on my aunt) so there's no risk there anymore. But now my cousin B is doing the same things to his younger brother. Cousin B is 18yo and cousin F is 10. So, I spoke with my therapist about it and we decided it's best to get CPS involved. We filed a report and that's where everything went to 💩. To finish the report I needed their address which I didn't know fully so I asked my mother. Turns out, she's more worried about what this will do to my aunt's psyche than what it's doing to my cousin F. She tried to manipulate me into silence, even broke down crying saying she wishes she was dead rather than do this to her sister who's struggling already. I went ahead and filed anyways. I got a call from my father days later telling me that a social worker went to my aunt's house and interviewed everybody and that my aunt was livid about the allegations. I told him it was my therapist that filed and he lost his shit at me. He told me that I'm damaging my cousin B's reputation, that I should just focus on my life, my kids and my husband and that I think I help people but that I don't and just make things worse. He brought up how I should've kept my mouth shut about this AND about the abuse I went through at the hands of another family member when I was 6. That if it weren't for me his sister would still talk to him but that she won't because I can't get over her daughter molesting me and trying to kill me afterwards. I've now got a flare up of PTSD related nightmares and night terrors/flashbacks, anxiety attacks and a feeling of dread. I know I'm doing the right thing but they make it so hard to keep going. I've got other family that knows I was responsible for CPS starting an investigation and they've got the balls to try to blackmail me into giving them thousands of dollars (which I don't have or ever plan on paying) to keep quiet that it's me. My aunt has very loudly and publicly said she's ready to kill whomever made the call and considering that she had no remorse cutting my cousin B's hand open when he was 10, I do take her threat seriously. At least the attempt. I just need reassurance and honestly some supportive encouraging words. I've been struggling to fight off cutting on myself (old issue that I thought was under control but clearly isn't fully, talking with my therapist about it so I'm safe, no worries there). I have to keep repeating to myself that this is the right thing to do, as obvious as it is, it's hard to be fully convinced with how I'm being threatened by my own parents and people claiming that "family is everything" 😭