Today, I and my partner were excited to go to the clinic for ultrasound. At 5 wks and 4 days, I was diagnosed with subchorionic hemorrhage. The bleeding started at 4 weeks but the cause of bleeding was confirmed later on. 5 weeks and 4 days there was no fetal pole . We were losing hopes. Then magically after 3-4 days. On April 13th, fetal pole was detected. I was still hemorrhaging for a week after that last ultrasound but my doctor was reassuring. Nothing to worry about and continue with my routine. The SCH is a common thing. That 96-98%, the baby is going to survive. Until today…

We went back for another ultrasound to see if there was still bleeding in my uterus. There was none but there was no fetal pole either… I look at the tech and I could tell that she was getting nervous. I’m a nurse so I already knew.. I just wanted to here from her I guess even though she’s not a doctor. She explained that it seems like the fetus, my baby didn’t grow and yeah, there was no heartbeat. Eventually, she said she was very sorry.

I will not forget the look in my partner’s face. He was teary. I was trying to be strong. Holding back my tears . I so wanted to tell him not to cry because I needed someone to be strong for me because I my heart is breaking into pieces.

We met with my Obgyne, he said that it probably is a chromosomal abnormality…… and just like that, we lost our baby…

It is very hard, I have not done grieving and yet, I have to worry about how to expel the conceptus out. Hopefully I can expel everything out naturally because I don’t want to use misoprostol nor undergo D&C….

It’s a roller coaster of emotion…. But this I know for sure ..TODAY, WE GAINED OURSELVES A GUARDIAN ANGEL 👼.

I love you baby….Til we meet again…❤️