I remember the many times he found it okay to sneak into my bed I remember his smells the sight of Vaseline makes my heart race the smell of beer makes me weak how each time he did it I couldn’t process what was happening for years he thought it was fine thought I was always sleep always forcing himself on me but yet I had not a clue of what he was doing never feeling safe I wasn’t even 5 when he thought what he did was okay until this day only 2 people know of this and even then I couldn’t say it out loud I struggled sexually as an adult and I still am I was never able to say no to any guy if I ever did I probably wouldn’t have slept with anyone if I did he didn’t deserve a peaceful death and I hate that I think this way I just want the thoughts gone