How to deal with kids negative behaviour ?

Question

Please help me because I’m losing it. I feel like a bad parent that does not know how to control her child. My child’s behaviour in public is sooooooo bad! This started two weeks ago. Every single time that we go out, my daughter must throw a tantrum when I tell her that we have to go home. I have done things like remind her in advance that we would be leaving in 5 minutes for example… nothing works. My daughter would insult random strangers. A stranger dares not tell her hello because she will shout at the stranger. She tells people things like “you are stupid”, “mind your business”, “go away”, “you are ugly” etc. do you know how embarrassing this is? I am on the verge of losing it. I practice gentle parenting and I have told myself that I won’t beat, do punishments, shout at her, etc… but she’s not making this easy for me at all. How can I control this behaviour? God forbid my 4 year old turning out to be an unruly person.

Answer

Just adding this: gentle parenting is NOT permissive parenting. It’s parenting with respect and empathy, while holding appropriate boundaries with appropriate consequences.

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My kid would be forced to apologize.to every person.

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Start punishing her. Insults at strangers is worthy of punishment. You don’t want a spoiled brat and that’s where she’s head.

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You need to punish her. If you're not gonna hit her than you need to take things away from her in order to get her to listen. Like let her know in advance if she acts bad she won't get a snack or she won't have t.v. Time when she gets home. You gotta figure out what's best for you. My son did it once and yes I did hit him. He never did it again because he didn't like getting hit. It worked for me but others won't agree. My son is 10 now and I hit him back when he was 2. He learned fast.

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Are there consequences for her behavior? Gentle parenting doesn’t mean there aren’t consequences. And have you talked to her about why she’s doing this (when she’s calm)? My kid used to throw tantrums before going out and we eventually just asked her about it and she told us it’s because being in the car makes her sleepy and she didn’t like feeling sleepy. So now we play car games with her to keep her engaged and she doesn’t tantrum about that anymore.

Answer

She’s 4? That’s a tough age. 
Good for you for parenting in such a way that avoids spanking and harsh punishment! I parent the same way and follow a lot of “gentle parenting” I follow a few good accounts on Instagram and TikTok of you want recommendations! 
I think I’d try to figure out why she gets so upset when someone acknowledges her. Those mean things she’s saying, she’s heard them somewhere else… 
Maybe I’d try some short “meaningless” outings and kind of practice for lack of better term. These trips don’t have the pressure on you to actually complete a task (grocery shopping, for example) and you can immediately leave the store if she starts to meltdown. 
Or I’d let her use headphones and listen to a book or music while we shop. I personally get really overstimulated and snappy in environments like stores so I listen to music. It helps me tremendously.

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Also cut off any enabling factor like tv or dvd or whatever
+ she may have been bullied -it’s either learned or it’s projection

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Could be special needs hon. Get assessed 
At least you have peace of mind on Why

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My son is about to turn 3 and lately he's been awful behavior-wise. We also practice gentle parenting but you need to set clear boundaries, stick to them, and teach consequences. My son tonight got mad at me for putting water on his toothbrush and threw it in the toilet. He then peed on the floor because he was mad at me. I told him he was going to bed right then and there, no books, no playing, no bedtime routine as a consequence. Straight to bed. He's also learned the word "fuck" and has been saying it a ton, including at daycare. Every single time he says it, I take something away or he goes in timeout. I take away the TV, his toys, outside time, etc. They have to learn these kind of behaviors aren't okay, and you can do that without spanking or hitting them and still teach consequences. 
Also, has she heard those things said before? Is someone in her life saying those things? Kids usually repeat what they hear. My husband has a potty mouth which is how my son picked up "fuck". So she may be picking up the you're stupid, you're ugly, etc. From someone. Does she go to daycare/school? Could she be being bullied?

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I agree with the other comment - my son (3.5) does pretty well in stores but he does get a little agitated after a while sometimes just sitting in the cart - he’d much rather be walking, but I can’t trust that he won’t take off, so he’s strapped into the cart but I’ll let him bring my old iPhone with him and I’ve downloaded YouTube Kids and some educational games and either connect it to Wi-Fi wherever we are or use my hotspot and that keeps him distracted for quite a while. Or I just talk to him a lot… “look at this!” And just point out random things and let him hold them/look at them/guess what they are/tell me what color they are etc because I know there’s a lot of stimuli around and he just wants to explore. Or if I’m not in a hurry, I’ll let him pick which way we go and kind of wander around the store. But yeah the phone has been very handy in situations where I just need to get shit done or I’m going to be a while. 
Or I bribe him lol If you’re good we’ll go for ice cream after or we’ll go to the park or we’ll drive around the lake and look at boats or you can pick out a toy etc. and usually that works. But if it doesn’t, no reward. 
I think it’s just an age thing honestly. It’s a tough phase at times. As for the name calling and stuff - I don’t have any experience with that. Luckily my son hasn’t started doing that yet but I’m sure once he’s in school, he’ll pick that stuff up from other kids and I’ll have to figure out how to nip it but I guess bribing and revoking privileges/taking things away would be my approach for that bad behavior too. Hang in there & good luck!

How to deal with kids negative behaviour ?

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