I have been married to my husband for 10 years. Whilst there have been ups, there have been many downs. We met in church but he is no longer a Christian. I am trying to navigate the place between trusting that the God for whom nothing is impossible can turn things around and also wondering how many more years I have to deal with this BS.

Pros

- I love my husband despite everything

- I am currently pregnant

- God gave me a word about my marriage 3 years ago which I have been clinging onto for dear life

Cons

- He has cheated on me physically twice that I know of. Once on a work trip and then he was on and off with someone on tinder for a year whilst we were separated following discovery of initial cheating

- he refuses to befriend me on his social media because he thinks I will stalk him and create problems

- he has given me HPV, I know I got it through him as I was a virgin when we got married

- he has a warped view of finances I think due to childhood trauma and refuses to make any investments because he doesn’t want me to benefit from his money. I am completely financially independent and work 2 jobs even though he earns nearly 100k a year. In his mind I benefit from him financially because he put more money into the deposit for the house and pays more for bills, even though I furnished the house and also contribute financially

- he is emotionally unavailable due to childhood trauma though he is in therapy

I think I stayed this long because it’s not always terrible and because I wanted a child. I’ve had 2 previous losses and he wasn’t ready for a long time. Now that I’m pregnant I’m starting to feel differently but also don’t feel released to get a divorce just yet.