Just venting. I apologize long post
I am really upset right now because my relationship is ending. I have to break up with him and it hurts so bad. I’ve fought all I can and my boyfriend is putting in zero effort. The issue was so small. I was frustrated because my boyfriend’s car is broken at the moment. I didn’t want to say anything because I didn’t want to stir things up. I’ve been taking him to and from work 98%. We both work full-time so sometimes I am ready to just go home but I have to drive on the busiest side of town to pick him up. There was one time I got frustrated and kind of huff and puffed because I had to be to work at 9AM and meanwhile he had to be to work at 5AM. I brought him but I told him I felt that it was inconsiderate that he didn’t give me a break or find another ride. This was 2 weeks ago.
His car is still not fixed and he is not reassuring me of when it will get fixed. When I ask him about it, he says he’s “getting his money in order.” I completely understand. However, it’s now going on a month and he told me it’ll only be a week. He did take it to two different shops and gave him the run around. It’s also hard for me to accept when this is his fault. I’ve been telling him for a year to get his car fixed and he waited until it completely stop running to fix it. Now nobody know what’s wrong with it so he has to take it to another shop. I am doing this for him because of the kindness and love I have for him but I can’t do it anymore.
When we got in the argument tonight, I picked him up from work and wasn’t really saying anything because I am trying not to express my frustration but it’s on my face. He doesn’t ask what’s wrong or anything. I felt that if he did ask, it would’ve ended better. Instead he chooses to go take a shower, make food, and jump on the video game. I like playing so I said “ you could’ve asked me to play”. Then he says I’m being petty. Which makes no sense.
We’ve had our fair share of arguments but this one took everything out of me. I’ve been trying to get him to communicate more. I even told him we need to find better ways to handle situations so they won’t get heated but there is no effort on his end. After he used my trauma against me, I dropped to his level and told him how he was using me and taking advance. He only pays half of the rent and that’s it in MY apartment. His name is not on the lease. I told him to leave and he said no cause he just paid rent. So disrespectful and that’s not even the beginning.
I blame myself because I allowed all of this to happen. I never allowed someone in my space and now I won’t ever do it again. I’m so hurt and I feel like my heart is to my feet.
Any advice on how to manage my feelings right now? Thanks in advance