I haven’t talked to my abuser in 2 years. Which is the longest he has ever been out of my life.

I am married to an amazing man and I am so happy.

But, with everything going on in the world right now I feel like I am going back on my healing from the abuse.

I have pretty sever PTSD from the relationship. The relationship was 2 years but for 2 years after the break up he was still stalking me and abusing me because I couldn’t fully get away. He broke into 3 different houses I lived in more than 4 times each house. (Tbh I hope I worded that right. I lived in 3 different houses and he broke into all three of them more than 4 times.) I was kicked out of one house because he kept breaking In, I don’t blame them for doing that. But for a while I was homeless.

But anyways, I have been having really bad PTSD attacks the past few days. My anxiety is as bad as it was right after I got away again. I am dealing with flashbacks and feeling suck in them again. I had a terrible nightmare last night about him coming back and I haven’t been able to fully pull myself back to reality since. And I woke up from that nightmare at 1am and it’s already 9:30pm. I don’t understand why this is happening again, I don’t get it. I feel like a terrible partner because I am dealing with this shit again. Because I can’t sleep without nightmares, or flashbacks. I told my husband I am having a hard time again and he is fully understanding and here for me. He is the most supportive amazing person I know. That’s a big reason I feel terrible for this going on again. I am worried he is thinking that this just means I am thinking about my abuser and miss him. But that’s something my abuser would actually be thinking, not my husband.

I don’t understand why I am going backwards again, it scares me. And plus what’s going on in the world, the whole uncertainty of everything. I am having a really hard time.

Has anyone else dealt with this? I am not alone? Is it normal to go backwards after a few years of healing and getting better? Or am I doing something wrong?