Small dick joke

If you made a joke about your partners size how did it make them feel?

-Was it a joke to them?

-Did they take it personally?

-Did they get upset with you?

I met my husband when I was 20 (now 27) and he was 28 (now 36). I’ve only ever been in one other relationship and that was from 14-19yr old and it’s wasn’t until he broke up with me did I see how abusive he was. In high school we would all make dick jokes. It’s been so long now I can’t really remember exactly what they were but it was all fun and no one ever took it serious. In a similar fashion to the videos on TikTok that girls will make now looking down their husbands/boyfriends pants saying “where is it?”

About 2 years into my relationship with my now husband I made a joke. I was drunk, thought I was being funny. It was and still is immature of me. It didn’t occur to me how he would take it and it ultimately destroyed his self esteem. I was not aware of his insecurity to his size and how even something I joked about would hurt him.

Fast forward a year or 2, he cheats (not physically) on me, twice. He says he did it because I made him feel so low about himself when I made the small

dick joke and that he talked to these other women because they made him feel confident. I regret making the joke every day because of his reaction and the infidelity still very much hurts me. I’ve apologized profusely. My words hurt him but he refuses to see how bringing 2 other physical people is worse. I can’t take my words back and he can’t take back cheating but it’s hurts so much more knowing there are at least 2 people he was willing to lose his entire family for, when mine was just a stupid joke.

I feel like he took his pain and anger to the extreme. When I caught him cheating he told me “it’s because I can’t talk to you about anything” but he never even tried to. He took how he felt and instead of having an adult conversation he went out and cheated. It’s been almost 4 years now and it still eats me up all the time. How do the 2 even equate to the same amount of pain? Him “getting me back” for the joke was to cheat?