Long story short

Me and my husband have been together for almost 7 years. We have 2 kids together. For most those 6 1/2 years he’s always been verbally abusive told me many things to make me feel less of a mom and wife , he cheated a few times talking to women and was always home because it’s what he wanted and I did everything he wanted because I loved him . I decided to start working almost 7 Months ago and for about 4 months I decided I needed to not be with him anymore because I started to hate that he had all this control over me and i wanted to do something new. Yes we are still married we never decided that we needed a divorce . I ended up I guess since we are married still technically I ended up cheating because I grew a friendship with someone and we kissed once. I don’t know if I did what I did out of anger but when I look at him I don’t feel the way I felt about him I fell out of love but he found out about this and he wants a divorce now or for us to try to fix our relationship. I don’t know if I want to go back into a relationship I think it would never be the same because of what I did. And because of how he treated me for almost 7 years . I’m not even sure what to do..

I know I don’t want to loose him but I know I’m not in love with him. And I don’t think going into a relationship would make me happy. I’d only do it because I know us not being together is affecting our kids..