I know I’m going to catch heck over this, but I do want to put it out there that I do know I was wrong for this so I’m saving everyone from telling me! Ok so me and my boyfriend have been living together for 13 years and he’s always kind of had a problem with me going out anywhere or hanging out with anyone, so I’ve pretty much been a home body for all those years. Over time there’s been some incidents that have slowly pushed me away, I slowly lost interest and fell out of love. I get blamed pretty much because he doesn’t have friends and doesn’t try to make any, he doesn’t leave the house, when I try to hug him or kiss him he’s kind of stand offish, he never initiates anything. I have to do all dr appointments for 4 kids, all shopping, etc… I’m tired of doing nothing but shop, work, appts, and housekeeping. I don’t remember what it feels like to go out, he refuses to get us a baby sitter so WE can go out, I’ve always been accused somehow of cheating and mostly it would be “say hi to your boyfriend” when I was just going to get groceries but he would always say he was playing. Well a couple months ago there was a guy I became semi interested in and we texted each other and send each other a few pics but nothing physically such as sex or anything happened between us but I fell into the attention I was getting that I don’t ever get from the boyfriend and forget it if I do anything remotely different to myself because I’m automatically doing it for someone else and this has been since day one not just recently, not allowed to wear makeup or anything of the sort. Now I am being punished for the texting and I get I probably deserve it but it is getting so old, I have to video call him all the way to work and going into work, I have to video call him for my entire lunch, I have to video call all the way home. I have to be on the phone with him while I’m running errands, he ran off my best friend of 14 years and I cant rekindle that one. I have to have on my location on my phone so he constantly can watch me as I drive home, god forbid I stop at a gas station because I immediately get a call asking why I’m at the station and asking who I’m meeting… it doesn’t end there but I’m plan exhausted and I have never cheated before until the texting and I told him how sorry I really was and wasn’t ever going to do anything to hurt him again that I wanted to do everything in my power to show him including everything in my phone constantly. But 3 months of this he’s starting to push me away because it’s exhausting and I haven’t gave him not one reason since then to show I’m still being untrustworthy and I get it’s going to take time but come on I shouldn’t have to take you to bathroom with me on the phone while I’m work because you express that you don’t trust me because you “don’t know” and I’m probably doing guys in the bathroom stall even though I work in a casino with 5 million cameras I wouldn’t even do that if I were single. But I recognize that I screwed up and genuinely feel horrible about it and I am doing everything he says so I can prove myself but I’m tired. If y’all bash me for it then I probably deserve that too. I just needed to vent

Sex drive