I'm not sure if I'm looking for advice or if I'm just posting to organize my thoughts. I'll start by saying that telling me to "just talk to him" or "just leave him" are not going to help me. This is super long but I need to get it out.

Ok so. My husband of 3 years works part-time. This was a decision we made together, he was working full-time at a job he didn't love, and an opportunity came up where he could work from home part-time and make close to the same amount of money. I had gotten a job maybe 6 months prior to this that was paying me 6 figures so for him to take this job was a no brainer. This all happened about 4.5 years ago... we had just bought a house together (well, I bought it and put his name on it too... he sold his house that we lived in and pocketed about$20,000 profit... i had to take out about $17,000 out of my savings for a down payment... I REALLY wanted this new house so I bit the bullet) and I had gotten pregnant with our first child within a month of us moving in.

Ok so finances. We both have our own accounts and I opened a joint account for us. I was well aware that we would never split bills 50/50, as I make nearly 3x as much as he does. The bills that are supposed to come out of the joint account monthly are car insurance ($200+), groceries ($1000 minimum), a loan payment for a new roof we got a few years ago ($200), electric ($200), propane ($200-400 depending on the month), and anything we randomly get for us like take out, gas station runs, whatever. Ok so my husband deposits half of his paycheck per month into this account (so he claims), which is about $1,000 a month. Which means obviously I'm covering everything else that comes out of the joint account. HOWEVER... what also comes out of my own account not including my own stuff like car payments or cell phone bill is the mortgage ($1600), child care ($600), all doctors appointments for our son/prescriptions/I'm sure a lot more. We have fought about money a lot in the past but I try not to because he claims I'm throwing my income in his face.

You guys get the jist. So here's my struggle. We have a new baby coming in about 6 weeks. Since it's baby #2 there was no baby shower so everything we want is on us. No big deal. My husband has purchased 1 set of $15 crib sheets. That's it. Literally. I have spent probably $1000 on things and there's still a lot we need. I've shared the registry I made with him 3 times and nothing. Even the paint we bought for the nursery he put on his credit card and PAID THE CARD WITH OUR JOINT ACCOUNT. I just checked the account balance and he paid his Amazon card out of there too. What tf did you buy for US from Amazon?!

I'm so frustrated.

The problem is I CANNOT talk to him about money. He absolutely loses it. Like gets so pissed off. I don't even know if it's worth approaching. It's like he thinks my money is endless and I can afford to keep spending. But he's over here buying freaking decor for his tool room. Like what. And I can't say anything because it will be a huge fight. I said a comment the other day when yet another delivery came for baby stuff i bought and i said well she needs this (it was a pack of swaddles) and he made some snide comment like "oh no, we'd have to use tOwELs otherwise, how awful!" 😑

I'm aware that this is not healthy but that's an issue for another time. I guess I just keep buying stuff. 🤷‍♀️

Edited to add: I know that we are a "unit" and it's our money, but i didn't sign up to be someone's sugar mama. He literally works 15 hours a week and almost all his money he does whatever he wants with. I bring home nearly $6K a month and none of it goes into savings anymore. I don't buy myself things.