Long term postnatal depression ?

I have two childen, 8 months & 2 years old.

I feel a pain in my heart when I see other women in labour or holding newborns those kind of things!!

It hurts me and I don't know why? I've already experienced that twice why do I still crave it so bad?

I would love to have another baby in 2.5 years when kids are more grown up but still,.... it hurts me!

I'm happy for everyone it's not jealousy surely? I just want to experience that all again even though I spent 80% of both pregnancies being sick violently etc 😂 I miss it so much. I miss being absolutely tired from giving birth but having your precious baby in your arms!!!!