Did you feel guilty for wanting another baby? Feeling like it would be unfair on the first one?

Question

Hi mamas,
I have a 21 month old boy and I have been thinking that maybe its time for a second one, don't want the age gap to get too big but I'm also feeling like it would be unfair on my boy?

Answer

I got to a point, where I could imagine my oldest being a big sister and where I could see her benefit from having a sibling. And I was ready to have another baby again.
Along my pregnancy it was hard to know, that our alone time was gonna dissappear soon, and I struggled with that. But I wouldn't say I flet guilty. It was more of a sorrow of not being able to fully attend to her - despite knowing it's probably very beneficial for her.
If you need more time alone with your toddler, go ahead. The age gap is what it is. There isn't a perfect age gap anyway. Each one will have pros and cons.

Answer

No, and I personally don’t understand the guilt. I understand people do feel guilty, but I personally don’t get it. A second baby will never have the attention or focused time the first baby received the first part of their life. Why does one baby deserve that attention over the other?

Answer

I felt a bit panicked that "our time" where it was just us was going to be ending.  I felt very protective of our one-on-one relationship.  But I actually had a second child FOR my first child because I wanted her to have a sibling. So, I didn't see it as taking anything away from her as much as fear of it taking something special away from me. I was also certain that I couldn't possibly love my second as much as my first (spoiler: I totally did) so I felt guilty about that. 
They are teenagers now and all I can say is that all the specialness, all the cuteness, all the love was only multiplied by having another baby. It didn't take anything from any one.

Answer

Yes and no. I didn't feel guilty for wanting a second or third baby. My sister and I were 19 months apart growing up and I wanted my children to be close in age like that too. There's 21 months between each of my boys. 
But a few months into my third pregnancy, my middle son (at 15 months) started displaying signs of autism. He is level 3 autistic and requires therapies and more attention than neurotypical children do in order to learn things. So I felt guilty that he'd have less attention and we'd have less money (therapy is fucking expensive).
But I am glad I have my youngest son and I think having a baby brother is good for him. My eldest respects all of his boundaries while my youngest (he's barely 2) is just learning boundaries and occasionally pushes my middle son out of his comfort zone, which can be helpful at times. 
I did feel very guilty when I accidentally (I was on birth control and 100% done having kids) got pregnant with my fourth baby. Also for the same reasons as mentioned above. But I'm almost 20 weeks along now and have moved past the guilty (and also the disappointment) and am excited for her. 
I'm glad I have multiple children and am glad they are all close in age. For the most part, they all get along 😁

Answer

I felt guilty AFTER having the baby and seeing how it affected my first. But a lot of my guilt was fueled by PPA so I don’t know if it’s a normal experience.

Did you feel guilty for wanting another baby? Feeling like it would be unfair on the first one?

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