Why am I that person

Why do I have to be the person that everyone talks to when they are sad. I am only funny because if I am funny nobody knows how depressed I actually am they call me sunshine at work and in reality I am just sad. I am always the person that can make people smile and I give good advice and blabla bla. I have to be strong for everyone my son my husband my residence my co workers my nabors but omg my back hurts I am only bubbley because it's a mask because at night when I am alone and there's no one left to talk to I cry so hard then I act like it never happened. Sometimes I wish I could tell someone anyone that I almost over dosed 2 months ago I was so close to just being free but I couldn't I had to fight for everyone else. Idk I am just a depressed potato I guess just waiting for something to happen.