Miscarriage

Hi mama, I just want to say, I am sorry for your loss 🖤I had my first MC a little over a year ago. I waited a year to try again, and then I got preg in July and it was a chemical. We ended up trying and getting pregnant the very next month and I am hoping to everything out there this one sticks. It is so hard after any loss. No matter how early, or if it was one or multiple. There aren’t really any words to say. I felt like I needed a whole year with my frost MC, but my second one I handled a little bit emotionally better. I will say that it has stolen pregnancy joy from me because I now no longer equate pregnancy to carrying a baby home in 9 mo. And I am anxious over everything. A few things that have “helped” me while I was actively miscarrying, healing, and trying to conceive/being pregnant again: -knowing worth. your worth is not defined by your pregnancy status, ability to carry a child, etc. -focusing on yourself. Don’t lose your identity in this. Do things you love even though you don’t feel like doing them until you like to do them again. You probably don’t feel like yourself right now and focusing on habits that make you feel like you again help. This also helps me now when I get really anxious about this pregnancy. I go window shopping, do my nails, go for a walk or try to remember I’m a whole person outside of this pregnancy. -realizing this is common. 1/4 women miscarry. And even more women have chemical MCs and don’t realize it. Even people who have multiple MCs are very likely to have healthy babies in the future. My doctor told me sometimes it takes a couple tries and we aren’t like rabbits or cats where the viability rate is ultra high. We are way less efficient than that. The important thing is to keep trying. -let go. This is hard for me. But realizing you don’t have control over the situation is freeing. Worrying is not going to make you feel better or heal. Thinking “if I had done this” or “maybe if I did that” is a slippery slope that puts accountability on you. I even hate the term Miscarry bc it implies we carried our babies wrong, as if we had a choice. Letting go can mean a lot of things. For me, talking about it was freeing. If friends asked why I was distant, I told them. They would sometimes get uncomf, but women deserve to not feel ashamed over this. It is so common and it sucks that it is surrounded by shame. If someone’s mother died, you wouldn’t shame them or be awkward. You get to own and express your grief, it does not have to be a secret. Your baby existed, you are grieving, and you are allowed to experience that grief and call it out by name if it helps you. Never ever let anyone make you feel like you cannot talk about it or that you did something wrong. You will feel like you again. You won’t ever be quite the same or forget but, in my opinion, I think when I do hold my rainbow baby I will cherish them that much more and love them with the love of 3x babies. My thoughts are with you 🖤 love and light to you always. You are by far not alone even though I know it seems like that

I’m here for support.I miscarried at 14 weeks and still have no understanding of it. I’m very numb but full of tears every time I think about my baby.