I have negative thoughts every day! I am on holiday at the moment but I can’t enjoy it. I pretend to be happy for my two kids, but I just want to cry.

My mother told me a few days ago what a “horrible daughter “ I am and her friends feel sorry for her.

My brother doesn’t want to have contact with me.

I am from a very broken family. My parents divorced when I was young and I lived a few years with my aunt because of the arguments my parents had I wanted to get out and they let me move there at the age of 12.

I wonder every day what I can do to improve my mental well-being.

I consider therapy but I am a SAHM with no family support around. I do not have a lot of time for it. That’s the problem. I don’t have a lot of time. My husband is working full time. I do have friends ans they know about these problems I just don’t want to talk about it to often as my kids are always there when we meet up.

Every day I think about all the things I did wrong. I lashed out a lot. I wasn’t an easy teenage.

But I never did any hard drugs, never committed crime, I got a degree and had a good job. I never asked my family for money or help. I have a temper and I am “bitchy”. I just wish that my family would be a bit proud.

I am from a working class background and my family also struggle with me being academic. They are annoyed how much money people earn who are lazy and just sit in an office, whilst they work hard.

I know I should just be nice and smile, but I struggle to forgive my mother. She also always says things to hurt me.

I would love to have contact with my brother. But he is an functioning alcoholic and my husband is happy we are not close. I did write my brother if he wants to have contact again. Obviously he didn’t answer. I wonder if I should just keep on trying? But what should I write if I don’t even know what’s his problem? My dad said deep down he blames me for divorce and Co. He spoke to him that’s not my fault, but he just can’t help himself. He hates me.

Any advise how I can get out of this dark and negative place and be a better mother again!

I don’t want my kids to see me sad!