Before anyone takes this the wrong way I want to let you all know I love my neice and my brother and my sister in law with all my heart. I wouldn't be this kids God mother if I didn't love her with my whole soul.

When I found out my sister in law was pregnant I cried my eyes out. My brother couldn't have picked a better wife and mother to their future children. Me and her became very close through out her pregnancy not only did she have seriously f-ed up family problems but because her sister wasn't there for her like she should have been. Not many checked up on her that didn't live in the same house with her other than me. At the time I lived with my in-laws and me and my husband didn't want kids or atleast to raise kids in that household at ALL. We wanted a house first and then ttc. I got asked to go to her 2nd ultrasound which just so happened to be the gender announcement one and I cried my eyes out seeing that sweet baby in there. But it still seemed surreal. Me and my husband had talked a little more on kids and we were both kind of opening our minds to "well it wouldn't be so bad if it happened to us" but we still didn't want to have a kid in that house. A few months later, my husband and I were going back and forth arguing about wanting a baby. I wanted one so bad and he just wouldn't give one to me. Needless to say my emotions were already high. I soon came to realize, per my DR that it's going to be relatively hard for me to get pregnant, impossible but hard. Fast-forward to the last few weeks of her pregnancy and she was allowed to bring a good many people to her ultrasound which was just me, my husband, my mom, dad, and brother. We see the baby kicking around and sucking on her hand on the ultrasound and I happen to look over at my sister in law and brother and they're holding hands in a sweet moment just so happy and proud. And here came the water works. When I tell you I cried, I BAWLED my eyes out and had to leave the room. Everyone came out laughing thinking it was me just being so excited to see the baby and that I loved her so much (which I do) but I couldn't come out and tell them I was so envious and upset because I want that to be me so bad. I feel like a a$$ just saying it here. I wanted to know if there's women out there like me that feel like that too or am I just in the wrong for having felt that way..