Just sharing my feeling here as I don’t really know who to share this with other than my husband (who has been super kind and supportive).

My period is due in two days so I decided it was time to test. I’ve been feeling what I thought were early symptoms and are most likely now just pms, now that I’ve gotten several clear negative tests. Just writing this is making me cry. This is our third month trying and our first cycle really giving it the full gusto with ovulation tests and everything. I’ll be 30 next week so still young and while I know it can take several cycles for people to conceive I didn’t really think that would be the case for us. I know I shouldn’t be too worried yet. The aches of the impending period hurt my heart. I’ve never felt so disappointed for my period to start. I’ve wanted a baby for so long but have always been afraid of how it would change our lives. Now that it’s not happening right away I know how deeply we both yearn for this experience now matter how challenging it will be. I’m feeling a lot right now and I’m really shocked how hard I’m taking this but at least I know how bad I want these babies.