Dear anonymous

I oscillate. Between missing you and strongly disliking you. I stay away. I have. You said I’d always take up real estate in your heart. That I’m a universe. Those were your words. You love bombed me. But why? The memories are a gaping hole. The nights we talked and wrote and laughed. Your cold room your books your coffees. Enveloped me. Are you a fraud or did you just push all of it down?

No matter how many years go by, the fault lines will always be there. From you, I’ll always be broken. You had chance after chance and you never took it. It wasn’t for my benefit - it was yours. I stopped deluding myself— but it doesn’t stop the hurting very much. These fall days the memories come to the surface. And it brings tears to my eyes.