Tonight is my first night alone with one of our dogs after I've left. Ive not slept alone one night for almost eight years.

I know I'm making the right decision but the pup is mad at me because his little buddy and his dad aren't here. They're not a bonded pair... and in fact didn't love sleeping together... but obviously he is missing that now as he sleeps on the other bed of the motel without me.

It hurts. I feel selfish. I feel horrible. I feel lonely.

It was unhealthy and I was lied to over and over again. Even the times he came clean he would only tell me part of the truth. Thats not a relationship at all. There's no trust there.

That doesn't stop it from hurting so damn bad though.

EDIT:

He messaged me "in case this is it for the night, I hope you sleep well. And although it doesn't matter, I miss you."

I messaged back, "you sleep well too. I've missed you for the last month (when the lies were revealed) so tonight won't be any different."

ITS SO STUPID THAT I MISS HIM. I MISS WHO I THOUGHT HE WAS BEFORE I FOUND OUT HES BEEN LYING TO ME FOR YEARS. I MISS MY LIFE.

But ill make a new life to love.