Husband Downloaded Dating App and Lied

Okay so we had our second baby 8 weeks ago and it’s been so hard exclusively pumping, and dealing with the transition from 1-2, and my husband finally starting work.(he lost his job at the beginning of my pregnancy leaving me to be the breadwinner my entire pregnancy). I understand he’s felt neglected as I’ve been so busy with the babies and pumping and cooking and cleaning and dr appts. But he’s been upset that we haven’t been able to have “sexy time” since I was 3 weeks pp.

When I was 6 weeks pp I saw he had downloaded and deleted a dating app. He at first claimed he had no idea what I was talking about. He then said maybe our one year old downloaded it. I told him I’m not an idiot and either he can’t tell me the truth or I’m leaving. After about 30 mins he confessed to downloading it but said all he did was download it and deleted it right away as he realized he was being an idiot. It came out 2 days ago that he actually created a profile and swiped around before deleting it but still claims he never messaged anyone. Idk I have no way to find out as he deleted it.

Also it came out that he had been using omegle. He claims he’s using it to find a youtuber who makes funny videos on omegle. I have a hard time buying it but either way we discussed omegle very early on as a mutual friend had been cheated on on omegle. We both agreed it was cheating and don’t belong in a relationship. So I figured that boundary had been drawn….. so even if he was using it innocently we had discussed we thought no married person should be on those sites….

He finally agrees with me that he crossed the line after a few days away. He says he’ll never do those things again and that he will work on being honest from now on. These aren’t the first lies he’s told. He’s completely forgotten to tell me that while we were together he went to a strip club/brothel in tijuana(I found out 6 months later because he left his member ship card in his car on my seat.), he’s lied about drinking beer(idk why I don’t care if he does), he’s lied about smoking weed(again I don’t care, he’s claimed the weed was his. We downloaded Life360 together and after I had my son I found a fake gps app on his phone. He claimed it was old from high school when his parents tracked him but recently confessed it was because he went to a dispensary and didn’t want me to judge him….idk if I buy it still. He had dating apps on his phone after we had our son and he said they were old which is odd because I had used his phone before and never saw them. And then at one point we were getting divorced( he left me like 3x claiming he was going to kill himself after arguments) and the third time I was over the stress it was causing me and my son. So when he left I told him to not come back and locked him out and called the cops just in case he was serious. But I was tired of him having me panicking all night. I then filed for divorce as I had just had it with his tactics and poor treatment of me. He promised he had changed and started going to church. And I was weak and caved and we got back together. Sometimes I regret it as he still uses his bad habits on me. Like gaslighting(will tell me I remember things wrong, or that’s not what happened, or I’m crazy, or I misconstrue things or don’t understand what he meant), he gives me the silent treatment for small things, he refuses to communicate healthier, he belittles me(like I’m crazy, I overreact, I’m too sensitive, he can’t tell me things because my reactions are extreme, I don’t catch on to things). He lies. He hates when I go thru his phone in front of him and says I should do it behind his back instead. I told him I’d rather be upfront and honest about it. But he says he feels belittled as a man.

And I say I can’t do it behind his back because either he’ll hide his phone or he’ll wake up when I try and grab it and then he’ll say really. You want to do this right now? Calm down I’m not doing anything…..

I always try and communicate openly like I’m sorry. I’m having anxiety right now. I was just wanting some reassurance but he’ll continue making me feel crazy until I just go to sleep.

Idk at this point I’m so confused. He promises he’ll change and begs me to let him prove to me the man he can be. He makes these plans on how well change things but I’ve seen this so many times at this point. Idk what to believe anymore. I want him so bad to be the man I want him to be too. We have good times together but also have a lot of toxic moments.

What would you guys do?

Stay and see if things change, fight for the marriage, continue counseling, and hope he can be the man I need?

Or walk away because he’s not going to changes and I’m just exposing my kids to too much toxicity and I’m just prolonging my heartbreak…..?💔💔