How to approach this?

Question

LO who is 3 is pretty close with my in-laws, they see her almost everyday but sometimes has her moments when she tells grandma to go away. This seems to happen when my in-laws skip a few days to see her.
With my parents, she's not close at all, she barely sees them but the other day through facetime she tells my mom "I don't like to see you, I don't like you"
turns away and refuses to even say hello. Of course they are hurt by it and are telling me, I shouldn't allow the behaviour. 
I talked to LO that family is loved and that grandparents love her, at least to say hello when they are talking to her. We shouldn't be mean or rude to them because it hurts their feelings, imagen if Grandma told her that. 
I asked why she doesn't want to see grandma, she tells me because grandma is sad. I'm not sure I understand but I know she also lacks the vocabulary to express herself better.
Is the talk good enough? Do I insist she is nice to her grandparents? is this just a phase?

Answer

You can continue to teach good manners, but I wouldn’t force her to call them if she doesn’t want to. Eg “I’m going to call Grandma now. I’m sure she would like to see you. Would you like to talk to her?” And if she says no, then “Ok, will you come say hello to be polite, and then you can go play?” And then also set the expectation with whomever you’re calling that they’re going to say hello, and then they’re going to go play. Do the call in the same room where your daughter is so that she can hear you interacting with them, and in time she may want to join in. Create opportunities for her to interact with them (ask Grandma to get some books to read to her, or sign up for apps like Caribu where they can play games together). But if you say, “Grandma has a new book she would like to read to you, do you want to come hear it?” If she says no, don’t make a big deal. Just make sure you teach her a nice way to say it. “Thanks for getting that book Grandma, but I don’t want to read it right now.” Don’t tell her it makes grandma sad. It’s not your child’s responsibility to make grandma happy.

How to approach this?

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