this post is actually barely about my brother.

My mom basically always favpred him in everything. Even when he was rude and abusive and when he got arrested, she was still caring about him more than me. And I know this sounds like he probably needed more care but it's not that kind of care. Like she wasn't paying attention to either of us growing up but she would always give him the better stuff and give him the benefit of the doubt even when it came down to him dragging me out of the shower in my mid-teens and beating me up, that was probably my own fault according to her.

I spent my entire life proving that I was worth her attention as well, that I was worth her love. I spent my entire life trying to be perfect.

Yet... I don't know.. according to her neighbors my brother has always been horrible to her..

He moved last year.. abroad, for a job. My mom went there 3 times this year. She took the damn airplane (at her own costs if anyone might wonder) and flew across Europe... to see him.

I was telling my friend this completely oblivious about that just yet and my friend went "and how often has she visited you and your son?" Well we're 30 minutes drive away, she visited us twice... Why not more, you might ask? She's scared of covid... 😒