Behavior issues? ADHD

Question

I’m at lost on what to do with my 5 year old son. His behavior issues is something I can’t tolerate! I feel like a lot of it has to do with my husband! 
Today we picked my son up from school early because we went to a big mall outside of our city with my in laws. 
When we got there, I was stern with my son. “Please don’t ask for toys. If you behave, I’ll get you something” 
He was being so bad! Screaming on the top of his lungs. I told him I wasn’t going to get him anything anymore. I’m not going to let him have his way and win, like he does when he’s with my husband. 
He was screaming, “mommy don’t love me. She hates me. I want my dad! My daddy will get me a toy. I’m telling on you” He was back mouthing BAD! Having a tantrum in the middle of the walk way and straight up not listening! 
I was honestly at my wits in! I can’t tolerate it anymore! I try my best, but it seems like nothing is ever good enough. I took him to his pediatrician a while back ago because I was/is concerned about him having ADHD and they wouldn’t do anything because he wasn’t in school yet. 
He’s in school now and his teacher isn’t concerned about him having ADHD. 
He doesn’t listen, thinks he can get his way, doesn’t do good with change, he doesn’t focus and so much more! 
I’m sure I have ADHD too! 
Another thing that absolutely bothers me; 
My husband takes our son to school and I pick him up. My son hates when I pick him up, he only wants daddy! He asks, “where’s my dad? Is he far away? I want my dad!” 
He draws pictures of his dad almost all the time and rarely draws pictures of me. 
Is it because my husband always works and rarely ever sees him? 
I feel like I’m failing! 😭😭

Answer

Kids are smart. Your son knows daddy will give him what he wants and you don't. He is testing your boundaries to see what it takes to also make you his minion. 
So good job for not giving in! Him acting out is just a response to you being a good parent. Now your husband needs to grow a pair and stop letting your son dictate the rules. Children need clear rules and both parents need to be on the same page!

Answer

This has nothing to do with adhd. It’s parenting. 
Why would you buy your child anything on a random trip to the mall or store? He doesn’t need anything and you’re bribing him to behave. Sounds like his father also gives him crap he doesn’t need. The both of you are the problem. Stop spoiling the child and stop bribing him. If he can’t behave don’t take him. Set clear expectations with clear consequences. Follow through and  be consistent.

Answer

Doesn’t necessarily sound like adhd to me though there are serval types, most common symptoms are hypo activity, depression/mood swings and trouble focusing/staying on task. Could just be going through a faze I know my boy definitely goes through stages of bad behaviour etc.

Answer

It does not sound like ADHD but more a pitting of the parents against each other due to different parenting styles.  When a child gets spoiled he/she will lash out when they don't get their way.  Unfortunately, it sounds like you are the disciplinarian and your husband is not so you are becoming the 'bad guy' in your son's eyes.  I think it would be wise to get parenting classes with your husband.  Otherwise, you're in for a rough time because it will only get worse if something isn't done.

Answer

You need to have a sit down with your husband and figure out parenting plans because it could be "daddy always gives in and mummy doesnt" which won't help plus if dad never tells him off in his kid brain he'll see dad as "the fun one" and you as the strict one because you're the only one enforcing rules. It is especially important if your child is neurodivergent that you stick to the plans together he can't just give in because it's easier or that he feels bad about always working

Answer

I have ADHD but I was never allowed to tantrum. If I tantrumed my parents removed me from the situation. I did this with my nephew because he tantrums with his mom, but he never tantrums with me and I am doing the same with my child now. Do not give him things or feed into the tantrum, take him out of the store or to the bathroom or somewhere away from the public and tell him you will not be going back until he calms down. Tell him his feelings matter to you so much, but that doesn’t mean his feelings get to run the show. Tell him you love him, and allow him to speak about why he’s upset so he feels heard, but don’t allow his feelings to control your life and then because you love him teach him that he won’t always get his way. Children who don’t have structure statistically are unhappy. Children who are never taught to not tantrum turn into adults that cuss at fast food and retail workers and can’t have stable relationships because they never learned boundaries. This will take a lot of consistent structure to resolve, but you can do it!! Good luck 💞

Answer

My brother was diagnosed ADHD and bipolar and would throw tantrums when he didn’t get his way. He’s also a narcissist though so he wouldn’t throw tantrums to often in public or hardly ever around family members cause he wanted them to believe he was a good kid and it worked. When my mom would vent to family about how he is at home, no one would believe her.

Answer

Another thing to add;
He never seems happy! 😭

Behavior issues? ADHD

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