I don’t know if it’s pregnancy hormones but I’m feeling like the worst mom.

I love my kids so damn much it hurts, I just want to be a good mom.

Mornings are hard for me. Getting my 6 year old ready for school is always a rush and I’m always frustrated at him for doing normal kid stuff like taking forever to get dressed and mirroring my bad mood back at me. It triggers me soooo much when he acts how I am acting towards him because I know it’s my fault 100% but instead of recognizing that and fixing my behavior I become more upset. Sometimes I can snap out of it but It usually just feels like a blind rage. Then after I drop him off I end up sobbing in my car because I can’t seem to regulate my emotions even when I’m aware of them. I end up thinking how I’m screwing him up just like how I was raised.

It doesn’t help when my non verbal 2 year old is screaming because he can’t communicate what he needs so he just screams at me until I get him what he wants.

I haven’t been sleeping well because I’m heavily pregnant and getting up to pee every 30 mins it seems, I have wild insane dreams that make me feel like I just traveled to another state of consciousness and when I wake up I feel like I lived a whole ass day. I wake up at the SLIGHTEST sound and live in a loud city. I toss and turn all night cause I’m not comfortable and for some reason my husband being in bed makes it worse, I just want the whole bed to myself because he takes up so much room. When he leaves I always sleep better but the kids wake up an hour later.

I want to try to wake up earlier so everything isn’t so rushed but the time I’d need to wake up is the best hour of sleep I get all night. It’s just mornings that I struggle with, and figuring out how to feed them better my 2 year old will only eat snack foods right now no matter what I make, even if they are foods he previously loved. I also don’t have a kitchen at all right now because we are remodeling it. Im just stressed out I guess, I love my boys and how much they need me, I love to take care of them and I hate the side of me that looses my shit just like my dad did when I was little.

I just needed to get this all out of my head so I can calm down. Maybe someone relates idk