So a a two months ago, a week before I gave girth to my second bub, my MIL came over to visit. I was upset with my partner for something so I stayed upstairs but said hello to her from upstairs and she said hi back. 20 minutes later my partner comes in and says I made his mum cry because I didn’t go down to greet her. She then sent him multiple messages that night saying that she’s put so many of my needs before hers, asked how my much younger mother would handle looking after our kid because it’s hard work, how she lost 22k income from looking after our kid while we worked. Even though she quit before she started looking after our child, she is the one who offered to do it and it was only for two months if you added it all up. And when she was looking after him she kept him in the one room the whole day and made him watch tv, didnt step outside once! So that’s why I decided to put him into childcare instead!

And how did she lose any income when she wouldn’t have been working regardless of if she was looking after our child or not.

Anyways, now skipping to today. My mum is visiting from interstate, she hasn’t seen us in a year. My MIL messaged me saying “popping over for a visit on Saturday what time should I come?” , so she didn’t even ask if she could actually come over. I told her Saturday wasn’t a good day because we had to do some shopping in the morning and then I had to get ready and go to an awards night in the arvo/evening. So she asked said “ok what time on Friday” and I said “you can come around 3pm as I am taking my mum and the kids to the aquarium in the morning” and then she said “well I’ll meet you there” . I found this very frustrating , she just kept pushing and pushing. I told her “ I think I’m just going to go with my mum , Ian ( my partner) and the kids. It would be good to give her quality grandparenting time and also mother daughter time since we haven’t seen her in over a year but we can definitely organise a seperate day for you to come to the zoo with us when my mum leaves”

She responded With “ok” and then thirty minutes later messages my partner saying “feeling very upset right now. I asked Sam (me) to come over on Saturday but apparently you’re too busy. So I asked to come to the aquarium on Friday but apparently it’s going to be a mum and daughter day. Really upset right now” .

This just pissed me off because she lives like 15 minutes away, she comes over all the time ! I haven’t seen my mum in over a year so YES I did want a mother daughter day with just her and the kids and my partner. My mum is only here for three weeks so I don’t understand why my MIL can’t just give us some space for three weeks! Plus My MIL has not once ever offered to take us to anything like the aquarium or the zoo so don’t understand why she’s all of a sudden so interested in going to the aquarium. My message to her was actually quite nice and I told her she can still come over on Friday but it would just be in the afternoon AND I said we will organise a different day for her to come to the zoo with us!

I feel like she was totally overstepping boundaries and she was trying to play victim making me and my partner feel bad for having plans this weekend and not having time for her to come over to visit. And because of her message , it cause me and my partner to fight !

We also fought after the whole incident of me not physically going down the stairs to greet her.

I feel like she’s deliberately playing victim and messaging my partner things like “feeling really sad” because she wants me to look like the bad guy!! She should be lucky that I’m still letting her come over for visits after the messages she had sent after the whole greeting thing.

Why would I want a person who manipulates everyone into feeling sorry for her around me and my kids? Why would I want to be around someone who deliberately tries to cause  unnecessary drama between me and my partner?

I’m at the point now where I just don’t even want her coming over anymore.

she will never say any of this to my face!

Update:

She literally just messaged me on fb and this is how the convo went

Her: hi

Me: hey how’s it going?

Her: just sad I wasn’t able to come over this weekend