This year has been the hardest year of my entire life. I feel completely out of control of everything. I feel like I'm spiraling out of control. We are 2 months away from 2023 and I cannot live this way in 2023. I have been suicidal. You don't have to reply I'm just venting. I work at a daycare that my child goes to. I make just about nothing and with inflation I can hardly pay bills in fact bills go unpaid so I can pay other bills. In April my mom was diagnosed with cancer. She stayed with me most days of the week. I went down from 40 hours to 37 hours and my job considers that "part tjme" so I lost benefits, lost pto. I was denied my yearly raise and cost of living raise because I was "part time" even though I'm still working 37 hours a week. My car was repossessed in August. Now me and fiance share a vehicle, now he can't find better work but he makes decent money due to me having to take the car everyday. My mom passed away August 22nd. My job treats me like trash and refuses to give me a raise until I'm at 40 hours( still working 37) my manager makes mean comments and remarks and comes at me every single day over small stuff that nobody else gets beaten up over. I hate my job so much on time of missing my mother terribly. I was going to start an LPN program in January it's only 10 months and my life would change. But I was denied my raise..so I can't save up to get another car to go to lpn school. But I need to make more money now. I have alternate care for ym 3 year old( my sister can watch her). Im also trying to get ahold of my city to see about financial help with head start but ive called all week and no return calls. I dont want to feel tied to primrose(my job and childs daycare) anymore just due to my daughter going there). I am now debating on just getting my STNA license since it's only 3 weeks and I need to make more money now and it will also give me experience I will need. All the jobs I apply to are getting back to me and telling me they would hire me if I got it. STNAs in my city are making 20 dollars an hour. That's 7 dollars more than I make now and I would rather work 3 12 hour shifts and have 4 days off then work 5 days a week at a job I cry at every day. Not to mention my 3 year old is rough now. She's such a good girl but she's 3 and a half. Me and fiance struggle everyday with her and at the end of the day we are bumping heads cause we are both mentally exhausted. I know we are both stressed financially. He's working alot and I am working alot making nothing. My life would change even getting the STNA license. Something has to change. I cry every single day. Every single day. I can't focuse on my health. My mental health, physical health.