My name is Kalea - Ka-lee-uh . I’m 23 almost 24 now 🥰

Here’s a little or a LOT - about me !

I was 19 when I had my first born. 💙 he’s my world. I met his father when I was 16 & he was 15. My relationship at the time was so toxic though with his father when we got together when I was 19. Things did not end up the way I had wanted .. - long story, short :

Before I was pregnant we lived together, we were in a relationship, engaged actually - I asked 🙄We were living in the middle of nowhere, like 5-10 miles away from Walmart and that was the closet thing in walking distance. At first it was good but then it got to the point where he had me doing EVERYTHING for him, and I mean make his food daily, spend my ssi money on him & ordered us food because of course little did I know I was pregnant and so hungry all the time. He literally broke his phone on his birthday so since I had a bit of money from just getting my ssi after turning 18 from all the back pay - I bought him a new phone as well as me too.

He would go outside & play “video games” because we didn’t have any data coming through in the trailer we lived in. At least that was his excuse.

One night @ like 1 am I see that his Facebook messenger is ringing and it’s another girl…

Sooo because I had become suspicious, I wanted to check out if he was being faithful or not. I eventually found out that he had been cheating on me because he would never let me know his password to his phone ( not that I need that to be in a relationship but it had been like 4 - 5 months already like why don’t you wanna share your info when you have your fingerprint in my phone?? )

I finally saw him doing his passcode and I got into his phone. Little did I know he was only going out there to have conversations with like 7 other females. And having phone sex with them. Making up sick excuses that he had to go or that he was “sorry I’ve been gone for awhile, my grandmothers been in the hospital” or “sorry baby I was cleaning so my mom doesn’t bitch at me” NOTHING ABOUT ME WHATSOEVER.

In one of the chats I found, she came at him like she knew he was engaged ( because he had it on Facebook🙄) and she wasn’t going to fuck with him - blah blah blah. But THEN he goes in to tell her that “no it was just a JOKE between me & my best friend”

I was so mad & so sad. I didn’t know what to do but I was scared to leave him because I loved him..

This was literally right before I found out I was pregnant and I felt so bad I didn’t want to break up my family already.. without even seeing if he could change you know..

He was so emotionally/mentally and verbally abusive durning my pregnancy. For example whenever I would feel emotional and cry he would tell me to literally “stop crying and shut up” “I don’t know why you are so emotionally all the time”

One time he tried to suffocate me with a pillow by sitting on top of me. And he would “play” slap me but it was never playing to me and I would tell him to stop, obviously he never did. Until I think I finally hit him back a lil once.

I was so emotionally attached w being pregnant w him and just afraid that I took anything he said or did to me..

Eventually I had my baby boy Eli ( born at 31 weeks & 3 days) 🥰💙 ,

We were still living together ( at my place now), kinda trying to work on things for the better (for our boy) and honestly things never really changed - it sucked.. HE DIDN’T EVEN SHOW UP WHEN I GAVE BIRTH but came the night after.. he never helped out. Never helped me change him or wake up to feed him. He maybe changed his diaper once in the 2 months he was home with us…

When I say things didn’t go as planned I mean that my son was harmed by his father or fathers bfs gf. MRI scans showed he had two brain bleeds and I had no idea how anything happened. I never lose my temper, or at least I wouldn’t on a child but my sons father I could be doubtful.

I lost myself because CPS thought we both may have done it. So I tried to fight to get my baby back as much as I could mentally take it. Did all the classes, went to court, all that. Broke up with his father because it was always too toxic plus if he hurt my baby I didn’t wanna be with him😭😩 . Got my place ready for my son. But time went by and I mean 1 & 1/2 years..

it was so emotionally tolling & draining trying to think of what would be best for my baby boy. It still is. I eventually decided for him to be adopted by people I knew because I wasn’t sure I could be a single mom and do the best for him without a lot of support.. I just wanted the best for him..

OHHH BEFORE we broke up,

After having my son & after he was taken into CPS custody , I got pregnant w him !!

Yes I was still emotionally and physically attached to him & even more so I was because now he’s the father of my baby so we were having sex of course because who else am I going to? .. 🙄

My son and I went through a lot with his father. I’m glad he’s a part of my past now. And that I had the strength to walk away.

BUT since I lost rights to my baby boy & had my second miscarriage..

I’ve been praying so hard for my little healthy rainbow baby! 🌈

Since my son I’ve been on the pill & I had the marina IUD once again for about 2 1/2 months. I was experiencing severe discomfort and cramps from it AGAIN! (Can’t remember when I first got it but I had the same issue) But I’ve obviously gotten it removed since.

I got married last year & am so happy now 🥰 & we’ve been ttc since June of last year.

In September of last year I got an ultrasound done and at first there was “no cysts but ovarian changes occurring” - what that means, who knows??-

So I was like okay ya know.. I’ll go see another GYN and see what this means..

In FEB I find out that I have follicular cysts & also PCOS .. which causes more risk for miscarriages & more I think .. - weird that it never came up in September????

Like I never got another ultrasound in between so how do you not find any cysts then but 4 months later you find em.. 🤔🤔🤔

ANYWAYS !! I’ve tried Metformin at first & that messed me up in the stomach so I had to stop.

I started my second round of Clomid on the 11th - 15th so a 5 day pill cycle. Here’s to praying and hoping 🙏🏼

Thanks for reading ❤️ if you’ve been through anything like me, please comment & share if you’re open to it!

Or if you have any tips for TTC with PCOS, please share🤍 I’m open to almost anything.