I apparently am raising an ungrateful child.

My son is 8. He is an amazing smart wonderful child.

He is also autistic. He is brutally honest, and cannot lie. He just does not understand why people say things they don’t mean. He doesn’t understand social norms. He tries, but just does not get it. He just doesn’t. His brain just works differently, and it’s really just that simple.

My mother in law gets very angry and says he is often rude. I know this is often a stigma associated with autistic people, but it is not rude, it is just honestly. If you ask my son a question, he will just answer it honestly and just doesn’t sugar coat anything. I understand why he can be perceived as rude, but I give him grace, and we are working on it, and I wish my mother in law would as well and back off a little bit.

This is what my mother in law has a problem with. He does not seem to appreciate gifts.

It was his birthday over the weekend. My mother I. Law had asked him several weeks before what he wanted. My son said nothing, and he meant nothing. He did not want anything. I had told her if she wanted, she could get him tickets to the aviation museum that he loves going to, or tickets to the zoo in the spring/summer, he would really enjoy going there, but as far as tangible gifts, such as toys or clothes, no. He has plenty of clothes and he does not like toys or video games they are just not his thing. He really prefers the aviation museum, running around outside, zoos, parks. He would be happy to just sit outside and watch airplanes fly

She got him some hot wheels cars and a ramp, and some legos. He said thank you. She asked if he liked it, and he said no. She got very upset and told him he was ungrateful and unappreciative.

She went off on me and told me I need to correct him.

I understand that things like this will affect his future. I know personally if I got my husband or my mom a gift and I said “do you like it?” And they said no I would be hurt.

But when I explain to my son, why that would hurt his grandmas feelings…. He just doesn’t get it.

This was our conversation-

Me- grandma put thought into this gift for you. I know you didn’t want it, but if she asks just say you like it.

Son- but I don’t like it. Why would I tell her I like it when I don’t?

Me- because it hurt her feelings when you said you didn’t, and you have to keep other peoples feelings in mind

Son- but why would her feelings be hurt if I didn’t like the gift?

Me- because she put thought into something she thought you would like

Son- but I told her I didn’t want anything. Why would she get me something when I told her not to then get upset when I didn’t want it?

So it’s really a circle.

I don’t know how to handle this. I will always understand this is how his brain works, but I know other people wont.

SO sorry. I did not mean to put this is CC- it was supposed to go in parenting. Admins please move