Hello!

Some background - I am an autistic 22F with a 21M. We live in a home in the suburbs, both work. We have two dogs and two cats. We are very happy together and trying to get pregnant. It’s been eight months… in that eight months I’ve watched two friends get pregnant without planning and another give birth to her first baby girl. The two pregnant girls also live with us… we’re in a four bedroom so we rent the other rooms out to friends so they can get on their feet after high school or leaving their family homes/situations. It’s just hard being around pregnant women daily and listening to them talk about it when we’ve been struggling.

I’m starting to have a fear set in that we are infertile. My partner had testicular surgery at a young age due to his balls not dropping on their own. The doctors said he could be infertile… he also has a benign tumor in his testicle that he cannot have removed without further risk. We have sex three to four times a week. I’m not sure what I can do to boost the likelihood. He wants children with me, that’s why we stopped all forms of birth control (I.e. no more pulling out).

On top of it all… my body has been displaying odd behaviors that are tricking me into thinking I could be pregnant all the time! It’s driving me nuts as I use test after test just for them to be negative. (I am not overly stressed trying to get pregnant, we are just having fun and going with the flow for the most part!) Basically, my breasts, which are an A cup typically, have been growing to fully fill out a B cup. This will happen usually for a week but recently it’s been for the past three weeks! I’m happy about it but it makes me wonder. Next, my periods have started to become incredibly irregular… I’ve had two in October. One at the beginning of the month for two and a half days, another in the middle of the month for two and a half days. The blood was odd, like darker thank usual with spots of pink. This is abnormal for me as they’re usually once a month for 5-6 days. I have dropped 10 lbs in three months. I’ve been waking up feeling sick here and there. I’m overall exhausted for no good reason.

I just don’t know what’s going on. I have had some life stressors this past month that could explain some of it… I got into my first accident where someone hit me and my car needs to be totaled out but insurance won’t do it. Then my tire popped at work. We traveled from Ohio to Seattle, WA for vacation and that was an adventure but had some stressful moments. We found a “probably” benign tumor in my breast and my current doctor isn’t taking it seriously so I have to switch providers. Work hours are being cut due to loss in sales. My depression has been hitting harder than usual.

I just wish I had some answers. And I’m not expecting everyone else to have the answers either… just some solidarity and advice. Please do not mention the “but you’re so young”. Where I am from, it’s common for people my age to have children. We want to be young parents, we want to be parents more than anything in the world! I know it’s my calling to be a mom. I hope people can understand that 💕