Hi

Everyone this is my first pregnancy after my loss back in December

I want to feel not so lonely since I been remaining calm but I been feeling paranoid about every single thing because I feel like im not good enough to keep a baby

I was not expecting to get pregnant so fast this year

Last year experience was traumatizing

I got pregnant in mid November after 4 months of TTC without knowing yet that I was pregnant the partner I had and who just moved in with me was an abuser and he wrestled me down and choke me multiple times before finding out about the pregnancy

Later on the pregnancy the abuse got worse with disturbing my peace in my deep sleep, the beating and the neglecting putting me under a lot of stress and drama I remember one day shaking at night in bed out of desperation I asked the baby to please die because I wouldn’t imagine such a precious and beautiful soul to get abused as well or worse than I did

They never told me about the baby heart beat until my 3rd visit I was supposed to measure 9 weeks and I was measuring 6 …

Baby stopped growing and by december 27 the fetus vanished but the placenta and everything was still there

I had a missed miscarriage and I was pregnant without a baby until january 11 or 12 till they gave me abortion pills because I wasn’t bleeding or flushing anything out

It was traumatizing to feel pregnant every day without a baby

Finally this year I met and Incredible person and after 2 months of intercouse and without any planning or me tracking period ovulations or ttc

First day of my last period was october 6 my period lasted for 8 days well on halloween after work I went to the hospital because of a UTI (non sexual im just really bad a drinking water and whenever I drink sodas it happens ) anyway the UTI wasn’t going away like usual and the reason I hit the ER was because I started having pain on my right flank and I got worried my period wasn’t due until 8 days and I haven’t tested for pregnancy

They made me pee in a cup and I could barely pee a few drops around 6:00 pm on 10/31/22

And 2 hrs later without blood work the doctor told me the big news

I cried and got so happy !!

But now im afraid of losing this baby 😞 and I feel paranoid about everything

As of Monday this week there were still no sac and or signs of being ectopic have my first appointment on the 18th

Is anyone else pregnant again with their rainbow and having these fears of miscarrying again?