I love that the struggles of TTC are more prevalent and normalized. But at the same time it doesn’t help me feel better. I am thankful, frustrated, saddened, happy, and may other emotions.

I should be happy that I have a happy healthy 3 year old. It was an “easy” TTC process the first time. By month 4 we were pregnant after having a chemical the previous month. I wasn’t expecting to become pregnant the first month of trying. I had a super laid back pregnancy with minimal symptoms and a C-section because of the cord being wrapped around the neck.

I knew I wanted at least one more. And we wanted to wait until we were in our new home. Of course we started trying before moving in. But here was are almost at the year mark. Please don’t give me crap about people trying for longer… I know I haven’t been trying for very “long”. I just become frustrated thinking about those who aren’t healthy, do drugs, and other things bad for their body that they say you shouldn’t do or have while TTC and they accidentally become pregnant.

I track. I eat healthy. I am active. I’m not stressed

(now I am). I’m told it’ll happen. I’m told just stop trying. I’m told don’t be stressed. I’m told to relax. I’m told I should be thankful I already have one.

The point is I’m now struggling and don’t know how to talk about it. Because I am happy that I have my first child. But I would love another and am scared that the process of TTC is hurting me and making me soooo very much more emotional.

I don’t want to stop TTC. But I don’t want to keep going through the monthly heartbreak.

❤️ to all those on the struggle bus. I am sending you love and positive vibes.