Would you be hurt?

Question

So my husband and i have been together for 12 years and married for nearly 9. 
8 years ago i lost ny grandad who i was extremely close to, two years later i lost my dad and 5 years later i lost my nanny who raised me and was like my mum (who isn’t around either). My husband was friendly with all of them before they passed and they thought alot of him.
Every year my husband and children and my sisters fiancé and children all go to visit their graves on Christmas day and lay flowers.
It is our way of remembering them on a special day and reminding our children of who they were and all that they have given us.
However this evening my husband announced that this year he doesn’t feel the need to go, he said it’s pointless and he doesn’t understand why we all insist on going on what is supposed to be a happy day. So this year he is going to stay at home and prep christmas lunch while we all go!
I was very hurt and tried to explain why i felt this was both hurtful and disrespectful and although he apologised still simply couldn’t understand why i would feel this way. Am i going mad or would anyone else be hurt by this?

Accepted Answer

Maybe he’s ready to move past it & going makes him sad. Respect his feelings & allow him to stay behind

Answer

He may have been able to say it in a better way but he is allowed to have opinions on it also. Not everyone mournes or deals with passed loved ones in the same way. Seems like he has been doing this just for you but after almost a decade maybe he is ready to move on. Not like he told you that you should stop going just that he didn't want to go. So go and do what makes you feel right amd he can stay hone and prep lunch and do what feels right for him. Then in theory you can feel at peace and happy and so can he and then just have a really good Xmas lunch. Your kids may not want to go forever either so just know that things like this are fluid and people may have different feeling than you on it amd change amd it isn't meant as a slight or to be rude, people just all feel differently

Answer

I'd be hurt by how he said it more than anything else.

Answer

If I would be upset that someone doesn't feel like connecting Christmas to death and going to the cemetery? No definitely not. And I also don't think it is disrespectful. You not respecting his feelings on the other hand and trying to guild trip him, I find disrespectful.

Answer

If I'm being honest, he should have said it better. But I would probably feel the same if I was in his shoes. He would want to spend his Christmas differently and I don't think it's right to force him into doing something he doesn't want to. He has been awesome for doing it for so many years. You can still remember them on other important days, like their birthdays or other important days. Doesn't have to be Christmas.

Answer

In my honest opinion, I would not have gone along with that plan for as long as your husband has. I wouldn’t even want the kids to go. Christmas is a special happy holiday that I would prefer to spend in more of a traditional way. I think he has been extremely kind and understanding by going along with it in the past and by not insisting the kids should not have to go. 
If it is special to you and he doesn’t mind taking your kids I think that is pretty generous.

Answer

No I wouldn't be.  It's not like he said you can't go or the kids can't go.

Answer

I wouldn't necessarily be upset with him not going but the way he said it.. if that's his choice then leave him be.

Answer

I’d be hurt at first but at the same time he is allowed to handle his emotions in the way he thinks is best. Would have been better if he reworded it maybe

Answer

Maybe theres a way to honor them at home, during your Christmas celebration? Having your children light a candle for them or writing a poem or memory of them?

Would you be hurt?

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