Fake orgasms!?!?!? Uhg!!!

Sae

I have been faking orgasms for as long as I can remember....I get off when I masterbate...and have only had an orgasm once with an ex going down on me. I have been with my partner for 13 years now....and I am constantly faking orgasms...he has made silly comments about people who fake them and how stupid they are...and he is right i am so stupid for ever faking but i was a fresh 18 when we first met and thought thats what he needed....but how the fuck am I suppose to tell him the truth now!?!?!

I mean we have been through so much with our sex life alone...that bringing that up scares the shit out of me....he has caught me watching porn and masterbating (like an hour after sex once) and he freaked out and seemed like he took a huge hit to his ego. So how am I suppose to now say I have never actually gotten off from him and his actions alone? I have tried to show and tell him exactly what I like...but he either isn't willing to do those or just "doesn't think about it" it fucking sucks!!!!!!!! Almost more than the 6 months of no sex we have been through before! Some one please tell me you have the same life...or had and know how to tell him after this long!!!