LONG POST AHEAD

so tomorrow i’m going to lunch with someone who was my best friend 4 years ago. i’m afraid that it’s going to be really awkward because i am the one who cut things off. but that’s the thing. i just cut it all off. we were best friends for a good 5-6 years and i got to hanging around different people and i got to the point where i thought she was so immature and i didn’t relate to her anymore. so i cut her off cold turkey. no explanation or anything. which was an immature thing for ME to do.

i had just gotten with my boyfriend (who i’m still with these 4 years later) and i felt like she never asked me to hang out anymore and it was always her and our other good friend at the time. they never invited me to things anymore and always used the excuse that i was (probably) spending time with him. they even went to the point of telling me that they thought my boyfriend was ugly and belittling me for being with him. which was not cool at all. there’s more stuff to the story but i don’t think anyone cares.

i cut things off our sophomore year of high school and that’s when covid hit so it was even easier to just not include myself with her or my other friend at the time. and during that time she send me a card in the mail and it said that she hoped that we could hang out sometime and bake some cookies. (it was one of our things) and i never texted her or anything about the card and i feel SO BAD about that. that was so ugly of me just because i was still mad at her and our other friend.

today, her and the other friend that i’m speaking of are still best friends and i feel regretful for cutting everything off.

i thought at the time that they were just immature, but i was too. she and the other girl didn’t have a boyfriend at the time and they thought the stuff i had interest in and some of the things that i was doing was gross. and i felt like i just didn’t relate to them anymore. that’s why i cut both of them off. but now, just from social media and stuff i really think she’s grown into a mature, great person. she was always a kind person and would do anything for anyone. she was our class president too if that even goes to show at all how kind of a person she is. and genuinely too. at graduation we hugged and i started crying, i think she was too? idk everyone was crying, but i said “i’ll never forget who you are and the impact you had on my life.”

but she reached out to me and we made plans to go to lunch tomorrow and i’m lowkey really anxious. we have both gone our separate ways and become new people and i’m afraid that it’s going to be so awkward. this feels like i’m going on a first date with some random person because it truly seems like i don’t know who/how she is.

idk what to think or what we will talk about or anything. but i guess we’ll know tomorrow after 11am! idk half of me is freaked out and so anxious but other half of me is not worried at all because i love to talk to people and she was my best friend for 6 years of my childhood/preteen/teenage life. idk ? which me luck i guess lol