I had my first son in 2019 and I think that's when my death anxiety started but it wasn't too bad. I had another son in 2021 so about a year ago I started having really bad thoughts about death. I think about my kids, my husband and myself dying. I plan funerals in my head of my kids, I cry myself to sleep most nights just picturing myself balling my eyes out at my kids funerals. I am so tired of these thoughts consuming me and I don't know where to search for help. I also have intrusive thoughts like a voice in the back of my head telling me to give my toddler the knife next to me while I'm cooking or to cover their face with a pillow to see how long until they pass out. I've never listened to those intrusive thoughts but they are terrifying.