I’ve known since I was an openly childfree teenager that lots of people have something to say about the topic, and they seem to think they know you and your desires better than you know yourself and your own life. If I had a nickel for every time someone told me I’d change my mind one day, or I’ll just “get pregnant” and fall in love with the fetus and keep it, I’d have enough money to buy a nice childfree yacht - people LOVE telling childfree women how they’ll change their minds. Men told me I’d never find a man who didn’t want children, and as I approached my late twenties I had single fathers tell me I’ll die alone because I wouldn’t date a single father with a child under 13. (I am now happily committed to a man with a 14 year old teenager, but I’d never date someone with young children.) I’ve known from a young age what I do and don’t want from life, and kids were always on the “no thank you” side of things for me.

Now at the ripe old age of 27 it’s too late for me to change my mind - I’m never gonna have to take another pregnancy test because I went and took the plunge. I achieved what childfree teenagers with a fear of two lines showing up on a test dream of - I got sterilized last week (“had my tubes yeeted” as I lovingly say, aka had a bilateral salpingectomy). Funny enough, people are STILL telling me “it’s not too late” and “I can still change my mind” - a guy at the grocery store yesterday told me I’ll make a great mom when I helped his kid reach something on a shelf, and when I told him I can’t have kids he’s like “oh there’s still hope.” Sir, no. There is no hope. There’s only hope in places where something is longed for, and I do not long to be pregnant, to hold my own baby, or

Sir, me being nice to children does not indicate my ability to be a parent; a woman who is nice to children, good with her family’s children, or who even works with children on a daily basis may not want to have her own. Being good with babies doesn’t mean I want one and when I say I’m not having kids, I mean I’m not having them - I’m not asking for reasons I could change my mind or strange scenarios where I’d be stuck raising a child I never wanted. I love my boyfriend’s teenager as my own, but I’d never want to pass on my genes or have my own. And now that I’ve finally achieved permanent birth control and a doctor who respects my life decisions people still tell me how it could still happen, as if there’s nothing more to life than having kids. I can’t get over it! I can’t get away from it! I know people don’t have foul intentions most of the time when it comes to the topic, but the pathway to hell is paved with good intentions.

Are you guilty of telling someone who doesn’t want kids they’ll change their mind?