Okay so when I was younger I always knew I wanted to be mother of many. Fast forward, I’m 25 and I’m kinda undecided if I want another. The “funny” thing is, we’ve been trying since my daughter turned 1. I have PCOS so it’s been a long 3 years of trying. My daughter is about to turn 4 and she’s so independent I constantly ask myself do I want to go back to the newborn stage. I don’t know if my fear is coming from my mom’s voice in my head or me wanting to start a new chapter. My mom is very traditional, go to college, find a good career, marriage, baby, continuing working . After high school I tried following in her vision but I knew this just wasn’t the path I wanted and I started to become not passionate in college and eventually dropped out. But I believe her views are this way because we had a rough upbringing and the men in her life were emotionally, and verbally abusive to her and her kids. I am the youngest of 3. My brother lives in another country and I guess because he’s a man, she doesn’t voice her opinions on him. My sister followed her vision and you can consider her well off. And then there’s me who always wanted to be a SAHM and I feel like my mom doesn’t respect that. She’s always asking when I’m going to get job, I need a job to provide for myself, my child should be in daycare, what do I do all day, when ever my child has something new she goes oh who bought that for you mommy or daddy and I swear it grinds my gears. She has also told me not to have anymore kids and it hurt me to the core. She doesn’t know I’m trying or my infertility issues. I met my husband at 14 and I always told him I wanted to be a SAHM and he said I got you and we laughed bout it not really knowing the certainty of our future. Here we are 11 years later and he works very hard to insure we’re provided for. I’ve given up trying naturally and schedule an appt for the doc and now that my appt is finally here I’m just having all of these doubts. Regardless of anyone’s motherhood journey, I do feel parenting can be stressful and trust me it’s been one heck of a ride. And now that my daughter is about to start school the following school year, I’m just like should I take that time to distress during the day, find a job or just go ahead and build my family.