Keeping this anon as my friends are on here too and I’d rather not air this to people I see face to face haha.

Okay. My husband and I have been married 8 years. They’ve been actually really wonderful years. We have two kids, our relationship is generally fun and peaceful- up until about two years ago. We’ve always had a pretty rough natured sex life which I enjoy, but he finally came clean to me about a bunch of BDSM dominatrix fantasies he has. Now, I actually know a LOT more about BDSM than he does, and I’m a hardcore SUB which I’ve also known from past experience. I sorta gave that up because I wanted marriage and children and didn’t expect to find a man who also wanted to be a Dom + husband and father. Anyways I LOVE my husband. Naturally I wanted to give him space to explore his fantasies so I’ve been attempting to be a dominatrix basically. It’s a massive turn off to me to see a man being submissive towards me 😬 not shaming anyone, it’s just not my thing. Anyways, he is SO pushy. He says I don’t initiate enough, when I’m the one coming on to him 80% of the time and, about half of it he rejects me and then later gets mad that sex didn’t happen after he turned me down. He criticizes how I do things and he’s overall super negative, constantly says I won’t give him the sex life he wants when I literally do EVERYTHING he wants and I’ve acted out his described fantasies to a T. He seems wildly into it during and he usually cums super hard. Anyways he hinges on how he wants me to do what I want and wants to be my slave basically rather than me doing whatever his fantasies are- and here’s my biggest issue- If I were doing what *I* want, I wouldn’t be domming him 😬 I’ve explained to him countless times that I’m a sub not a dom, and that I’m doing my best. He also regularly says “oh you’re just vanilla then” solely because I’m not into being a dominatrix and it doesn’t come naturally to me. I told him me not being naturally dominant doesn’t make me vanilla and he kinda backed off but ugh. I don’t know how to solve this. We don’t believe in divorce, we love each other, and neither of us is okay with anything outside monogamy. My only thought at this point is to propose a legit sexual switch contract for us… thoughts? Does anyone have any tips? Im tired of being so frustrated with our sex life. Being a dominatrix isn’t fulfilling for me at all but I’d be willing to do it if he compromises and switches with me occasionally. Sigh. Tips welcome!