I’m sure everyone knows what I mean. The anxiety of wiping and worrying there’s blood. The anxiety that the doctor test will be negative and it’ll be a chemical pregnancy. The anxiety of no heartbeat. The anxiety of a loss in general.

I get caught up and go to the next worst thing. I had 3 miscarriages this year. The last was at 14 weeks. Getting pregnant this month was a complete surprise. In a way I’m happy about that because I didn’t have the anxiety of tracking and testing but I feel like I can’t relax and be happy about being pregnant. I wish I could speed time along until I have an ultrasound then until viability then until I have my baby. It’s hard